


We Will Rise Again

by Minikah



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Angst, Attempted Murder, Dark, Drama, Dreams, Dreams are very important and are a huge part of this, Dutch is dead too, Fingering, Forced, Forced Sex, Guilt, Handcuffs, Heavy Angst, I will add more tags probably, Knotting, Loneliness, M/M, Manipulation, Marking, Masturbation, No Escape, Powerlessness, Psychological Torture, Rape, Rough Sex, Sad, Sadness, Self-Destruction, Self-Doubt, Sins, Slavery of some sort maybe, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide, Threats, Trapped, Violence, What Have I Done, all the other Seeds are dead, kind of at some point, mentions of God - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:18:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 43,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minikah/pseuds/Minikah
Summary: Benjamin Deans wakes up in a bunker cuffed to a bed with Joseph Seed staring down at him. The Father was chosen first to become the Father, later to fulfill God's will which was for him to earn redemption by punishing and hurting Benjamin. But Joseph never in his whole life assumed that this would be so difficult...





	1. Lust

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my first fiction ever! I hope you enjoy this crazy ride together with me, my beta, Joseph Seed, and the Deputy named Benjamin. First of all, I wanna thank my wonderful and the best of the best beta for making sure this work is more readable than it was at the beginning! Secondly - English is not my first language so please be gentle.
> 
> Also, just to clear some things - there are some things that are different from the canon, especially the Voice Joseph hears cause in my fic he hears it most of the time. 
> 
> Enjoy!

He was flying above an endless ocean, his nose was filled with the smell of both fresh air and the almost annoying scent of the salty water beneath him, though he could vow that no more than a few seconds ago there was another smell, more… dusty, even smoky one. As if the fire was consuming everything on its way, every tree, leaf, every living as well as dead body, screams... explosions…

Explosions.

Those feelings hit him as hard as the ground that he suddenly found himself standing on, his legs felt as if they weren’t his own, alien, absent of any feeling in them giving him the impression as if they were completely gone. A quick glance at them made him realize that they were, in fact, his own, just strained together with black and ragged clothing. He wanted to release them, finding his hands being held by Faith’s own.

Faith.

He tried to back away even though he couldn’t move at all, he only released a panicky sound, like a small buck finding no way out of the dangerous situation.

“Shhh...” her voice cooed in the room in which they both suddenly were, and the person whose hands she was holding, looked at her in pure horror, confusion, with both feelings overtaking his mind, but the girl just smiled. “Don’t be afraid, Deputy, everything’s alright.”

The Deputy wasn’t scared of her presence in here at all for Faith always seemed quite harmless, with a smile never leaving her gentle, young face. He remembered how her small hand was taking Deputy’s hand for him to follow Faith into the Bliss’ tender arms. But right now he knew and was completely sure that they were not in the little fairy tale of hers anymore. They _couldn’t_ be.

He killed her barely a few weeks ago.

Faith giggled as if knowing that the Deputy just at this particular moment realized that. She let go of him, twirling around and singing something under her breath, something the Deputy couldn’t comprehend while in such a strange situation.

Suddenly she stopped, being incredibly close to the man in front of her, looking straight into his bright, gray eyes. “You should wake up, Benjamin, don't leave him hanging in there forever.”

And Benjamin did wake up.

He felt the sweat on his skin, a little drop slowly running down his forehead, going unpleasantly close to his right eye. He moved his hand to help himself only to realize that his hands were cuffed to a bed. It took a while for the Deputy to analyze the situation he was in, but before he could go to any other conclusions, a voice spoke up.

“Ah, yes. Finally. Thought you might never wake up, Benjamin.” The Deputy looked around to find the very well known source of this voice, seeing Joseph’s silhouette creeping in the shadows at the far end of the room in Dutch’s bunker. The Father was staring at the man the whole time he was sleeping in here, seeing the muscular body under the striped flannel of his and the black but quite short curls that were covering half of his face.

Seconds later, as Ben’s eyes finally got used to a more conscious state, he registered a body lying on the cold, uncomfortable ground.

Dutch.

Ben was breathing heavily while finding out whose body it was. His guide, the person who was always there to help him, the one who made it possible for him to survive when he thought there was no way out, and most importantly, his friend… was dead.

Sadness was quickly replaced with pure anger as Joseph took a few steps towards the cuffed Deputy. He kneeled beside him, and Rook realized that he was in a very unpleasant position on the ground. Ben grunted loudly, trying to make himself more comfortable only to realize his legs were… gone, nearly just like in his bizarre dream with Faith. _They were fucking numb because of how tight the cloth holding them together was bounded_ , his own voice has screamed in his head.

Panic overwhelmed him as Joseph took his still cuffed hands into his very own, the resemblances with his earlier dream were slowly getting out of control.

“Shush, my child. All will be fine. There is nothing for you to be worried about.” he spoke up in a soft tone, closing his eyes in the middle of the sentence. Ben, in the meantime, kept looking at Dutch’s body lying there on the ground, forgotten. The Father, once he opened his eyes again, became aware that Ben was staring at the body, giving Dutch a short glance as well, and a slight giggle left his mouth.

“Ah, you have to forgive me.” Joseph lifted up his hand to adjust the glasses resting on his nose. “I was going to get rid of the trash, I promise. But, sweet Ben, you looked so peaceful while deep in your sleep, that instead of doing that, I decided not to move, so as not to interrupt your rest.”

Ben was staring now at the half-naked man kneeling down in front of him, trying to understand what in the name of God did the Father mean. He looked again at his friend’s lifeless body, resting there where it was, sudden realization made it impossible for him to stop himself from spitting loads of saliva right at Joseph’s face.

Joseph immediately backed away and Ben could swear that he heard the Father mutter a hushed _fuck_.

“John was right about you in a way,” he stated in a much more harsh tone that the earlier, softer one. “You are filled with a lot of Wrath, but it takes some actions to give it a proper release.”, Joseph was forced to take off his glasses to have a better and clearーnot to say cleanーview, but he didn’t dare to give his prisoner a proper look into his eyes anymore. Instead, he got up and searched for anything that could be used as a towel for his face and glasses.

“Oh, John…” He continued to elaborate, stopping his search from time to time to sigh heavily. “My sweetest John. I miss him dearly, it is a shame that you had to kill him, oh, my poor, little brother.”

Joseph peeked into a box to find an unopened toilet paper bag in there. Good enough, he thought, and wiped his own face from the saliva as well as his ungodly wet glasses. “So, Deputyー _Benjamin_ ,” he corrected himself. ”Is it fair that you killed all of my siblings and inーGod, forgive meーpure revenge I killed barely only _one_ friend of yours?”

The Father didn’t put his glasses back on, he left them on the shelf where the box with the toilet paper was, and he went back to the place next to the bed where Rook was forced to wait for him. Joseph looked from above at him, towering over him and making Ben feel much smaller than ever. He felt enclosed, with no way to run.

“No, it is not,” Joseph continued, returning to his previous, soft tone. “But you are merely a lost and still wandering soul, searching for his own purpose and reason in life, fulfilling orders and whatever the ones sitting comfortably above you want you to do for them, doing their dirty work because they are too proud to stain their own filthy hands...”

He seemed sorry for Ben, sorry for the Junior Deputy to be _just_ the Junior Deputy, a freshman, rook, probie… Someone with a higher rank making fun of him in his job, another one being sure that Ben got this position so quickly thanks to some contacts with those who tower over them all. Conspirations. Jealousy. Hatred.

Greed.

Joseph got incredibly close to Ben, and Ben once again tried to back away as far as the cuffs were making it possible, but he sadly didn’t go far. The Father’s beard gently tickled Rook’s jawline, one of the man’s hands landed on Rook’s other side of the face because Joseph was sure that he would try to move his head away, and Joseph whispered to his ear, sending shivers to the other man’s spine as Ben felt this unnerving feeling of the warm breath on his gentle skin.

“You are forgiven, my child.”

The voice cooed into his ear, Ben closing his eyes unable to fight with both Joseph and himself in this unfair battle. The breath was still too close, way too close for him to feel comfortable. He had no clue why Joseph was yet not withdrawing from him, not giving him the space he so deeply needed right now.

He shivered feeling the whisper once again.

“But I have my own sins.” he finally moved away, still being way too close in Ben’s opinion. “Not forgotten, not forgiven. And not until my own redemption, I’ll continue to live this sinful life.”

Ben felt something on both of his forehands. Something new, something as uncomfortable as the cuffs. He glanced down, finding out Joseph being quite occupied with binding Ben’s arms once again, this time with a rope. The Deputy had no clue of what the man was doing, not until the man released his wrists from the cuffs, forcing Ben to stand up.

He realized that in his insanity Joseph was not stupid. He made sure that the Rook wouldn’t use those seconds of freedom while Joseph was uncuffing him to hurt and eventually kill the Father andーof courseーto escape.

Benjamin cursed under his breath. He really, _really_ , would do that if given the chance. He would kill this man with his bare hands for hurting and murdering Dutch. But…

Explosions. Pain. Smoke.

The smells once again hit his nose as a quite recent memory. He almost let go a painful whimper of all the memories flooding back to his mind, his head started spinning as he remembered everything that happened from the moment he stood before the Father in his church, till now. The world being consumed by explosions, themーThe Deputy, Marshal, his friend Staci Pratt, and Hudson, together with the Father, all of them quickly getting into the car to escape to Dutch’s bunker that gladly wasn't located that far from Joseph’s place.

He had no clue of what happened to them during their ride here. He couldn’t and didn't want to comprehend the fact that they were all probably long dead.

Benjamin was so occupied with his own thoughts and memories that he didn't realize how and when the Father pushed him onto the bed, his face hit the pillow lying there as if it was waiting especially for this very moment to happen. And he was glad that it did because a headache that suddenly appeared, even without that, was painful enough.

He groaned into the fabric, not expecting for the fall to happen at all. Ben moved his head to the side to be able to properly breathe. Trying to turn around his whole body to face the Father once again, to see on his face what the man was up to, he felt his warm and big hands on his back, pinning him down and holding him in place.

“Stay, Benjamin. You are not going anywhere,” his soft but strict voice sounded, making Ben stiff a little. There were not many people calling him by his full name which made Ben find it incredibly unnerving that the Father belonged to those who did. “Cooperate with me, please. I don't want to cause you any pain. Not yet.”

The Father let go of him, and Ben used his chance to move a little just to make himself more comfortable. His arms were stretched up to the top of the bed; he wantedーwished to bring them closer to his body, or at least to turn around not to lie like thisーhis back was facing the Fatherーbut Joseph’s hands, out of nowhere, grabbed Ben’s forearms to make sure he didn’t hide them.

“I know that you wish to face me, Benjamin. But _it_ will be easier for both of us if you rest on your stomach,” he kept his strict voice, working on Ben’s hands and cuffing them to the bed. Again. He undid the rope holding the Deputy's hands together and moved down to where Ben’s legs were settled.

Benjamin in the meantime was too shocked to comprehend the fact what the other man was doing. He was lying there, patiently waiting for Joseph to cuff him, not saying a word and just looking at how swiftly the Father’s hands were working. Up until Joseph left him to work on his legs, the Deputy was lying in peace. Joseph parted them slightly, binding him to the frame of the other end of the bed.

The realization of what the Father was doing made him feel a surge of panic.

“W-what are you doing?!” He braced himself up a little, trying to release his legs from the other’s man’s grip, but it was hard to do anything with his hands so uncomfortably cuffed and with Joseph binding his legs with the rope so tightly. Too tightly. “The rope’s too tight, asshole, stop it!”

It was the first time he spoke up to the Father. And the Father, in amusementーeven a little shocked hearing how the man called himーstopped doing whatever he was doing to give Ben a glance. He has found the strangled man trying to look over his shoulder at him as well, their eyes met for a second.

Joseph smiled, muttering. “You’re acting like a startled lamb, Benjamin.” He stood up while finishing his work on the rope and it wasーto Ben’s absolute horrorーas tight as at the beginning, Joseph did not make it comfortable at all tightening the rope’s grip on the Deputy’s legs.

Ben heard a few steps and he hid his face in the pillow, not daring to look at the Father anymore, feeling ashamed of how easily he imprisoned him.

“God is here, with us,” he whispered, crouching next to the bed where his captive was resting. Benjamin’s body tensed as if waiting for the other man to strike him down at any given moment. He was breathing heavily into the pillow, hoping for Joseph to show him at least a tiny piece of mercy. “But he is not going to judge you now, Benjamin.”

Ben felt a hand on the curve of his back, right above the upper end of his pants. There were his flannel and his white t-shirt that stood between his flesh and Joseph’s warm palm, yet Ben stiffened at the touch, trying to move away from it. His breath got irregular as the hand took the shirt out of his pants, revealing his sweaty skin.

Joseph’s palm was gently tracing Ben’s spine, his shirt unloyal, following the hand that did not belong to him. When the hand found resistance of the already folded up fabric on Ben’s back, it stopped, at last, and went back down. Joseph was looking in delight at his own fingers tracing the other man’s flesh.

“He knows my sin. And he knows what I’m up to,” he leaned in, whispering to Ben’s ear. “Yet God is forgiving me, telling me that this is the _only_ way for my own redemption.”

The Father stood up, the Deputy still had his eyes hidden in the pillow, not knowing where the other man was heading. But he didn’t go far as the Rook suddenly felt the bed going down under Joseph’s weight, first on one side next to his bottom, then on the other, the Father gently settled himself on Ben’s buttocks.

He tried not to think of what Joseph was about to do. He still had plenty of clothes on, also the cuffs would make it hard to…

Benjamin let go a muffled moan as he felt something incredibly cold on his back, his senses and muscles reacted fast enough to back away from the unnerving feeling. He cursed into the pillow as he heard Joseph’s audible grin while the man used a knife to cut his flannel and shirt open.

“I hate this flannel of yours, Benjamin. It reminds me of the day you tried to divide me from my children,” he stated, cutting the last part of the shirt near Deputy's neck. He left the sleeves though, there was no need to cut them as well… for now. He added with a smirk. “I even kept wondering if you ever change it…”

Deputy’s mind was way too occupied with thoughts, trying to understand what the other man was saying. He was panicking, but he was also so shocked that he couldn’t move at all, his body was too numb to act and to stop the other man. Not that he could do a thing being strangled to the bed.

His wrists were getting pale because of how tightly he was trying to hold onto the frame of the bed, the cuffs didn’t make his efforts any easier. Ben also tried to bring his legs together, to stop Joseph from getting his pants down.

“Benjamin, relax, please.” Some words sounded in the air that he finally could recognize, and the gradual realization what situation he was in right now got to his mind as quickly as the reaction of coldness hit his senses a tad earlier. He braced himself up, trying to make Joseph fall down, but Joseph was faster, stronger. “Ah, there goes the Wrath,” one of his hands slid down from Ben’s back down to his stomach. “Benjamin, my only child, the more you fight the worse it will be for you.”

Ben stiffed once again, releasing a panicked sound at the feeling of Joseph's hand working on his belt. His other hand found its way to Ben’s belly as well, forcing the man a bit to help himself with undoing the pants.

 _God save me, God fucking save me_ , were the thoughts that Ben kept repeating in his mind, the poor man unable to do anything to stop Joseph. And Joseph was feeling like a winner, finally.

The pants slid down, revealing Ben’s underwear being ungodly high up. They were covering a part of Ben’s back, but the man only smiled at this, working on the pants and bringing them down as far as the ropes and Ben’s parted legs were making it possible.

Finally, he could go over to bring down Ben’s underwear as well. He grabbed the cloth, feeling the man underneath him going numb once again, hearing a muffled soundーa beg, probably, and Joseph slid it down.

Joseph cursed under his breath, apologizing God right after.

“Why… why did you not tell me?”, Ben could hear now a new, unknown tone in Joseph's voice. It was as if the man was both disappointed and heartbroken, but he had no clue at all if this was positive. And Joseph indeedーeven to his own surpriseー _was_ very sorry.

“John, my sweet brother,” Ben could feel a gentle touch on the still remarkably fresh wound at the end of his back, on the place where it was connected with his ass. “How could you lie to me?”

The Rook was still in shock, breathing heavily into the pillow, hoping for the man to stop his actions after what he saw on his back. But confusion was also something that went into his mind. What did the Father even mean?

“Oh, John. I am disappointed. You promisedーyou _swore_ to me that you would not touch him.” Ben could swear it was anger that he heard in Joseph’s voice as he felt The Father trace the whole scarification on his prisoner’s body, carefully, not to cause Benjamin any pain.

Joseph mouthed the word carved on Benjamin's skin. _Lust_.

“John was never about to touch you, Benjamin, not like that, I forbid him,” the softness once again returned, and he could feel the Father shift above him, resting now his arms on the place where his knees previously were settled. “Please, forgive him, Benjamin. Forgive _me_.”

Joseph placed a delicate kiss on the first letter, the _L_ , starting at the highest point, going down to where it met with another letter. He left many gentle kisses on the _U_ as well as on the _S_ , tracing them with his lips. Feeling the body underneath him relax as he started to kiss the last letter as well, Joseph used that little moment of Ben’s peace to bring up his hand to his prisoner's bare bottom. He touched one cheek while still working with his lips on the _T_.

“No!” Benjamin screamed unexpectedly, bringing his head up as much as possible. He shifted his body a bit to the side, trying to stop the Father from the occuring madness. “Stop itーoh, fuck off, don’t touch me there!” He whimpered, feeling the foreign hand getting closer to his entrance, panic once again overwhelmed his mind.

Ben wanted to cry, to scream, he even wanted to die at this very moment just for Joseph to stop whatever he was doing. Ben was muttering some pleas, now begging Joseph to stop touching his sensitive spot because it just felt _so wrong_.

But Joseph acted as if he didn’t hear a thing, opening up Ben’s checks to reveal his small entrance. Joseph moaned in awe, seeing the beauty of a man right in front of him. He wished to lean in, to leave a soft kiss on it and to prepare it for what he was about to do to it. But no.

Joseph waited.

Once Ben became quieter, more relaxed, _used_ to the situation he was currently in, as if finally trusting Joseph, the Father brought up his face to Ben’s hilt and gently licked it with his tongue, with his beard tickling the other man’s buttocks.

An unnatural sound left Benjamin’s mouth, he also muttered some curses and pleas for Joseph to stop it immediately while swearing that he is going to kill him once this is done. Ben was scared shitless, he’d never assumed that Joseph could and ever would have done anything like _that_ to him. He prepared himself for any kind of torture, pain, and death. But he never thought that he should prepare himself for _this_.

Joseph was agonizingly slow working with his tongue on Ben’s entrance, moisturizing it for Ben to feel at least a little pleasure. But Ben had no idea if Joseph was doing it for him to feel less pain later, or for Joseph to have no problems entering his hole with his…

Ben groaned feeling something new around his sensitive hole. It must have been Joseph's finger for he could still feel his beard tickling his flesh, but it felt so much bigger, more… _painful_ that Ben could swear that it was _not_ a finger.

But he was wrong, though. It was indeed Joseph's finger slowly working his way into Ben’s insides. Joseph tried to gently push it in, but Ben wasn’t relaxed at all, his hole still dry, even though Joseph was still working on it with his swift tongue. He stopped for a second, looking up at where Ben’s head was pressed to the pillow. “Benjamin. You need to loosen up, otherwise, the pain will become unbearable for you to handle.”

As if it wasn’t unbearable with or without that, thought Ben. “Fuck off,” he muttered between the muffled sounds his mouth was releasing into the pillow. He tried to hold back the tears slowly starting to appear in his eyes, soaking the fabric.

Joseph has brought up his own finger to his mouth, sucking on it, feeling his own erection lightly pushing onto his pants. Once the finger was overflowing with saliva, he brought up his hand to Ben’s entrance, sliding the finger without any warning deep into Ben’s asshole.

Benjamin tensed around the intruder and screamed, the pain mixed with a feeling as if his insides were burning, making it hard for him to stop himself from yelling.

“Ah, forgive me,” Joseph immediately took the finger out, finding the man’s scream a tad too loud. “I got too excited. You are just so beautiful, Benjamin.” Ben whimpered, knowing the finger will soon find its way back into his core, but he still tried to beg the other man before it happened.

“Stop this... Damn it, just stop this, I-I beg you…” his voice was harsh, unexpectedly high and unreal. He felt as if this wasn’t him who just spoke up, but he continued with his begs, hoping the other man was in a sort of a trance, doing this because he was drugged, forced, whatever.

Joseph smiled at the sweet pleas the Deputy was making, finding it amusing that he was giving up so soon. “Sweet Benjamin… We’re just getting started. There’s no end to this, remember? There is just you… and me.” He chuckled feeling the other man tense again, and he continued. “I said it once, Benjamin. And I’ll say it again.”

Benjamin felt the finger at his entrance once again, Joseph was forcing it in no matter how hard and loud the Deputy was screaming and crying. The Father started to work on Ben’s hole with swift but slow movements, his eyes closed.

“No one is coming to save you.”

Painful whimpers could be heard every time Joseph was pushed his finger back into Ben’s hilt. The Deputy was hoping, was really hoping that the Father was stretching and preparing him for Ben’s sake, and not for his own pleasure and fun.

The finger stilled in him, Joseph's tongue once again was finding its way between Ben’s cheeks. He licked him, moisturizing his hole enough for the Father's finger to slip in without further efforts. Ben whimpered feeling how easily it was moving now inside him, the finger slipping in and out in swift and quick moves.

Benjamin’s body was still tensed, but he tried to listen to the other man’s words and to loosen up a bit. It was incredibly hard not to think about the pain the other man was making and to try to enjoy a thing he shouldn’t be enjoying at all.

He was so occupied with the finger inside him, focusing all of his thoughts on that one steady motion, that he didn’t expect nor feel another finger slip in until it was too late.

Josephーjust before slipping the second finger insideーfelt the other man relax, the tight flesh around his finger was loosing up a bit. He grinned seeing how Ben’s body was betraying his own mind but he didn’t assume that Ben alone tried to calm down his own emotions to make it less painful for himself.

As the second finger slipped in, Benjamin once again released a muffled yell into the pillow beneath him, the grip tightened on the bed’s handles. His muscles tensed up around the new intruder deep inside him, Joseph moaned quietly at the feeling of it.

“Ah, my God, Benjamin. If it was my dick inside you now, this would make me fill you up completely, no doubts.” he exclaimed, feeling his erection twitch painfully in his pants.

Another muffled sound could be heard as Joseph started to move with both of his fingers deep inside Ben’s ass. _This feeling is insane_ , thought the Father, _God, I need more_. But another voice stirred his thoughts, making him hesitate for a brief second. Joseph slid his fingers out of Benjamin’s ass, leaving a trail of saliva on the man’s skin. He carefully shifted on the bed above Ben, trying to calm the voice of reason in his mind as he stood up and started to undo his own pants.

Quiet, muffled sobs could be heard while he was in the middle of unbuttoning his clothes, a sound of fabrics falling down to the ground filling up the dark room.

“Please… For God's sake, please, have mercy...” Benjamin knew what was about to come, he knew but he still tried his best to stop it before the worst. “I can’t… I can’t take it.”

Joseph was not a monster, though. He stood up, already naked, and he looked down at the tensed body lying and waiting there on the bed for his judgment. His senses and conscience, also the voice of reason from earlier, were screaming at him that what he was doing to Benjamin was plain wrong, that it wasn’t right with God’s true will. But something else was telling him that Benjamin _earned_ this by killing off his whole family. Also, God didーin factーtell him everything about what he should do to the Deputy, promising him that he would find redemption by doing exactly _this_.

The Father closed his eyes for a second, muttering a small apology to both God and the man in front of him, though he was sure that it couldn't be heard by Ben at all. He once again climbed on the bed, his weight making it creak loudly. The feeling of Joseph moving above him made the captive’s whines get much louder, Ben knowing that the other man was naked, his member barely inches away from his tender spot that nobody, and especially not Joseph should be touching.

“Oh, God, please, _please_ … stop this.”

Benjamin would rather die than be raped by another man. He was shaking violently, fear was overtaking him as he felt the man behind him lightly touch his back, again tracing the evidence of John’s own sin.

“I wonder why he chose this exact sin of yours,” Joseph was kneeling behind Benjamin, with his erection being more ready than ever. “Lust,” he sighed, “my biggest sin.” Ben felt the other man shift behind him and he tensed, Joseph lied down on top of him, with his belly pressing now onto Ben’s back.

An uncontrolled moan left Ben’s mouth as he felt the Father’s erection press his skin gently, fitting perfectly between his buttocks. Joseph breathed into his ear, the sensation of his member between such perfect cheeks making it harder for him to control himself.

“I promise to be gentle,” he whispered into Benjamin’s ear, Ben shivering at the low voice he has just heard right beside one of his ears. Joseph braced himself on his left arm, his other hand reaching towards his penis to help it find the way to Ben’s entrance.

More whines left the Deputy’s mouth now that he felt Joseph’s erection being guided towards his hole, Ben was begging him to stop, crying into the pillow as he braced for the worst to come. He closed his eyes, his hands were shaking from the force he used to grip onto the bed’s handles. Prepared for the pain, he tried to remain still.

And Joseph waited. Again. He was playing with his member, massaging Ben’s sensitive spot with its tip to hopefully make the other man loosen up a bit. As he kept shushing him, his breath was tickling Ben’s ear, he could slowly feel how the man’s muscles relaxed, his breathing slowed down and his cries went silent.

“I’m sorry, Benjamin.” Joseph whispered, forcefully pushing in.

His member stretched Ben’s small, still unprepared hole, making the other man yell in pain at the burning and agonizing pain it made. Ben bit the pillow, afraid he might bite his own tongue off, with tears streaming down his face.

The bed creaked a little, its sound mixed up together with Ben’s quiet sobbing. He could feel the other man’s member buried inside him, painfully spreading his anus.

Benjamin looked and felt miserable, and Joseph was barely halfway in.

A moan of pleasure escaped Joseph's mouth as he felt the muscles tense around his penis, but he didn’t try to push the rest of his member in just yet. He appreciated the moment of stillness, of Benjamin’s soft, muffled cries, that slowly were silenced by him, adjusted to the new sensation and the Father’s cock. Joseph smiled seeing and feeling him relax, biting gently on Deputy’s ear with what he made his captive groan into the pillow.

Joseph's right hand that was holding his own penis in place went back up so that he could brace himself on two arms, giving himself a more comfortable position. His motion changed the angle a bit, unintentionally pushing a little bit further in, making both Ben and himself grunt at the feeling of it.

Their bodies were one now, Joseph was finding it hard to control himself from sliding his dick out, to later ram back into Ben, up to the hilt. This thought made his penis twitch inside Ben’s hole, and a moan left his mouth as the muscles tensed around it once more.

“ _Fuck_.” Joseph cursed and embraced the other man with his arms, lying now completely on his back. His body was roughly pressing onto Ben’s own, making it harder for the other man to breathe. He has lost his control, making the Lust take over his mind, the voice of reason going silent, and he pushed his member all the way in, with Ben yelling loudly at the extreme pain it caused.

Benjamin felt as if he was about to faint. He saw stars and his vision got all blurry and white, the pain and this sensation being too much for him and his body to handle. Before he could do anything at all, he felt the Father’s penis slid out of his hole, and Ben sighed.

But Joseph, once his member was almost completely out, violently pushed it back all the way in, Ben’s muscles stretched and tried to accommodate to the huge intruder. His pace was fast, rough, Joseph was holding Ben in a tight grip, pinning him to the bed with his intense thrusts.

And Benjamin was sobbing between his screams, begging God to finally take away his life.

Ben’s mind and body were numb. At some point, and he couldn’t tell if barely two minutes or three hours passed, he wasn’t screaming and moaning anymore. He felt as if he died lying in this bed with Joseph forcefully raping him. He still felt tears streaming down his face, but he stopped caring at all. All he wished for was to die right now, and here. The shame, pain, the unknown of his future, all of that was making him want to die at this very moment.

But God didn’t show him any mercy.

Joseph came inside Ben after a few more animalistic thrusts. He was breathing heavily, staying still in one place as he waited for his member to stop twitching in orgasmic spasms. He slid it out, the liquid was falling out of Ben’s hole and he shifted carefully to seat himself on the edge of the bed.

He looked down at his hands, finding them shaking, his breath was uneven. For a second, but he was sure it was much longer than a brief second, he felt as if someone else has taken control over his mind. Exhaling a holden up breath, he glanced over at the man still cuffed to the bed, but all he saw was misery, not a man.

Benjamin’s face was turned so that he could see the Father, his face all wet from the tears that still kept streaming down, a painful and scared expression drawn on his face that Joseph had never seen before. He was shaking, obviously in fear, pain, and cold, all mixed up together. Joseph stared back at him, at the man in front of him that not long ago, with ease, killed off his siblings, now with pain in his eyes, misery written on his face. He knew the tears were his fault only, he knew and felt it deep in his heart.

He looked away, not being able to stand the sight. He has to be strong, he has to listen to God's will and remember what this man had done to his family, he must remember that he had hurt his _children_. But God, was it hard. Joseph maybe did not want it, but he had been chosen, his redemption only to be found in Benjamin’s suffering.

Joseph stood up taking his underwear and pants into his hands, not bothering to dress up just now. He looked at the man once again, whose eyes filled with despair and fear were still staring at him, begging him to let him be.

“We must follow the path God has chosen for us, Benjamin.” his voice was harsh, Joseph was feeling as if he didn’t drink anything in a week. The need to drink some water, even some alcohol became enormous. He slowly turned to the door, sighing quietly as he heard the other man shift on the bed.

Ben panicked seeing that the man was about to leave him behind like _this_. Ben muttered some quiet pleas for Joseph to at least undo the rope on his legs. But Joseph did not listen, he walked over to the door and turned to look at Benjamin for the last time.

“Only God knows when its end will come.”


	2. Gluttony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benjamin's trouble doesn't end after barely one day in the bunker, but oh, how much he wishes it did...

John’s hands were around his neck, holding him under deep and dark water. Benjamin started to wiggle in panic, his hands were trying to find their way to John’s ones, Ben wanted to do something, anything with this deadly grip. He was fighting with him, his nails were digging into the other man’s skin, Ben clearly was in fear of dying in such a horrible way.

Suddenly the Baptist’s hands let go of him, a force pushed the Deputy out of the cold water, which was now everywhere around him, but he was still standing on the fluid as if he weighed nothing. After looking around to search for John, he didn't find anybody around, and the silence and loneliness became almost unbearable to him. A big need to call out John was rising within him, but he stopped himself right before doing so.

His eyes wandered down only to find out that he was completely naked and dry, but he could swear that seconds ago, when John was trying to drown him, he had his clothes on and that he, obviously, was wet. He panicked, unsure of where his clothes happened to be and how did he become dry this fast, but the feeling of panic didn’t last for long.

“Having a nice sleep, are we not?” John’s voice beamed right next to his ear and the Deputy jumped, finding it a tad too loud. He turned around only to see nothing, except for the endless water underneath him, completely still and silent.

“We can play a little before you wake up. What do you say to that, Deputy?” Benjamin turned again the moment he heard the voice right behind him to once again find nobody there nor anywhere near him. Confusion was consuming him as he kept looking around for the source of this voice.

All of sudden someone pushed him from behind, Ben was breathing in and bracing for the fall only to fall onto something soft and pleasant. He exhaled and blinked in surprise as he realized that he suddenly happened to be in a huge bed with many pillows on it. It appeared to be endless, just as the water was. He got up on his knees when he felt someone's presence really close to him, and once he looked around to locate who it was, he finally detected the Baptist standing there proudly on the bed.

And he was as naked as Benjamin was.

Trying to back away, Ben realized that he couldn’t move at all, with his hands cuffed to the pillows. They were supposed to be lightーas all pillows areーbut once he tried to lift his arms up, they didn't move even for an inch.

“Uh-uh, Deputy,” John kneeled down and slowly crawled towards Ben. “You once ran away from me, and this won’t happen ever again.” John was now above him, close enough for his breath to tickle skin on Ben's back. He forcefully pushed Benjamin down and his face hit the fabrics.

He remembered something incredibly similar from not long ago as he tried to move a little to make himself comfortable. And suddenly a related feeling started to build up within him.

Fear.

“I’ll help the Father during his hard way to redemption, marking you as his _whore_.” John whispered into his ear, swiftly turning Ben around so that he could face him, the pillows that were magically cuffed to his hands followed his moves. Trying to move his arms on his own, he found out that those pillows were listening only to John's will.

Suddenly the Deputy noticed a small but recognizable object in John’s handーa small but obviously sharp knife. “It is time to wake up, Deputy.” the Baptist grinned, one of his hands found its way to Ben’s neck, holding the man in place.

Benjamin exhaled sharply, trying to speak up only to find out that it was impossible from how tightly John was holding him. The Baptist laughed at that miserable man beneath him, bringing the knife up to Ben’s neck. He spit words out as he started to cut the sensitive skin below the blade, with _water_ spilling out. “The Father awaits you.”

Benjamin woke up.

Trying to catch his breath he wanted to make sure his neck was fine, finding out that he still was uncomfortably cuffed to the bed, and the rope on his legs was digging into his skin. Wounds appeared underneath the cuffs, and Ben bit his lip knowing that he should take care of them as soon as Joseph lets him go.

If he ever would.

Calming down his breath he also realized in what an extremely strange position he had been sleeping, with his body parts either numb or sore. He moved a little to adjust himself on the bed, and strong pain radiating from his bottom hit his senses, making him yelp and go back to his previousーnow comfortableーposition.

He exhaled sharply remembering _everything_ that happened the previous night.

The overwhelming fear and extreme suffering as Joseph was pounding into him, the man not listening to any of Ben’s pleas to stop or at least slow down a little, it all came back to him. It seemed as if the man wasn’t even _there_ , as if Joseph’s rationality and his mind were somewhere else, his animalistic instincts that were filled with lust taking over the man’s senses and mind, all of this making him rape the Deputy with no remorse.

Rook was shaking. It got to his own mind that he had no idea how much time passed or even if Joseph didn’t pay him any visits during his sleep. A big need to throw up came to his mind as he suddenly heard someoneーJosephーput a key into the door’s keyhole to unlock it.

 _So this fucker locked the damn door_ , thought Ben, almost laughing at this realization because all of his fucking limbs were tightly strangled to the bed, hardly making it possible for him to move even for an inch. Ben hid his face in the pillow, deciding not to let the other man know that he was awake, though it was extremely hard as his whole body kept shaking.

The door eventually opened and a half-naked Joseph stepped in, closing and locking the door behind him.

Ben in the meantime tried to calm down his breath, but it was awfully hard while not knowing what the other man was actually up to. Steps could be heard and Ben knew that he was slowly approaching the bed. _God, let him not be naked_ , he begged.

A sigh could be heard almost right above Ben, and he almost jumped as he felt the other man’s hand tenderly touch his head in an almost father-like manner.

“Ah, my beloved child, forgive me. I didn’t intend to wake you up,” this voice made Ben’s body go tense, a big need to punch the other man was growing deep within him, but all he could do was to turn his head to shoot Joseph a vicious glare. “I brought you food, coffee, and tea, whatever you like.”

The Deputy noticed that there was a plate waiting on the small end table right beside his bed, a plate where a few sandwiches with cheese and ham were lying together, two cups with something hot-poured, and also a water bottle. The smell of freshly made coffee hit his nose the moment he saw the food and his stomach demanded all of it, growling loudly.

 _It has been days, God_ , he was sure he has been here for at last a few days.

“Fuck you.” Ben spit the words out, hiding his face in the pillow once again. The hunger was killing him, not to mention the thirst that made his lips so dry that he was barely able to speak up the curse towards Joseph. But he wouldn't eat. He would rather starve to death than give the other man the satisfaction of being under every command of his.

Memories flooded back to him as Joseph’s older brotherーJacobーhad been starving him in a cold cell in his mansion. He remembered the feeling so well that he actually didn’t want to go through all of this again, now totally willingly, since the food was within his reach.

Benjamin almost laughed. He was still cuffed, how was he supposed to take a small bite of it anyway? There was no way to do itーno matter how hard he would try, he already could tell that the small stand was too far from his grip.

It became easier for him to tell that Joseph was simply torturing him.

But suddenly Benjamin felt the other man move towards the other end of the bed and Ben could swear that he felt the Father’s hands work on the rope that was holding up his legs in place. The tight grip was finally gone and he felt how the blood very slowly started to flow back to his feet.

Benjamin almost immediately brought up his legs closer to the rest of his body, as if trying to cover himself from Joseph's madness in an embryonal position. He had no idea what the other man was about to do, so he tilted his head to look at what exactly Joseph was doing. He whimpered as he found the other man again very close to his face, with his hands next to where Ben’s own were cuffed to the bed.

After a few quite long secondsーas Joseph was tightly bounding the rope around Ben’s forearmsーthe cuffs were gone and Benjamin sighed in pure relief. He almost thanked the other man for the help but he bit his tongue right before he opened his mouth. Joseph was not helping him, Ben kept repeating this in his mind as he brought down hisーkind ofーfree arms, bringing them close to his body.

Benjamin closed his eyes and took a deep breath after the pain of the tight grip of both the cuffs on his hands, and the rope on his legs disappeared. He still didn’t have many chances to run as he again remembered the Father locking the door behind himself. He could try to knock him out, to fight his way out, but he perfectly knew what would happen if only he failed.

 _Joseph is going to rape me again anyway_ , thought Ben as he opened his eyes to see how many chances he had. He yelped as he felt the other man’s hands grip on him as if he was trying to awkwardly cuddle him. “L-let go of me, bastard!”, he tried to yell at him but a harsh, barely audible voice has left his mouth.

But all Josephーthankfullyーdid was help him move and sit on the edge of the bed.

The pain of which he already forgot suddenly let itself know of its existence, radiating from Ben’s sensitive spot that Joseph so cruelly violated, and he yelped loudly, trying to move despite Joseph’s strong grip, only to make the unnerving feeling in his bottom to stop.

Joseph shushed him, deciding it would be best if the other man stood up. “Come, stand up, I’ll hold you.”

Benjamin wanted to spit at him again, finding it ridiculous that Joseph barely a few hoursー _God, let it be days_ ーago with no mercy raped him, and now was trying to offer him help and to make him feel as comfortable as possible, aiding him. He wanted to cry because of how strange it all felt.

Joseph eventually forced him up as he saw Rookie not react to his offer, with Ben barely able to stand on his own, tired, and still with numb legs. The Father was holding him in place as he alone stood in front of him, with his hands gently yet firmly resting on Ben’s hips. Benjamin looked at him, realizing after a short while that the other man kept avoiding Ben’s face at all cost.

A smile crept up on Ben’s face. Was it shame that he could clearly see written on Joseph's face? He wasn’t entirely sure if it truly was it, but he knew that this was his perfectーif not onlyーchance to act and to run.

With all force that was left in his body Benjamin punched the other man right in his belly, Joseph almost immediately backed away from the sudden attack and pain. Ben’s palms were free, though his forearms were stranded together with the rope, but he still found himself able to do to Joseph the exact same that John Seed did to him in his dream.

The Deputy's hands forcefully smashed the other man’s body against the wall behind him, desperately trying to choke him. Joseph’s eyes were filled with fear as he tried to catch his breath, unable to do it with this deadly grip around his neck.

Time was slowly passing but the Deputy clearly forgot about one extremely important thing. Joseph’s hands were still free, but the man didn’t use them to stop the strong grip, knowing well that this would be no help to him.

Benjamin heard a familiar click and something cold pressed against his belly. He cursed under his breath, letting go of Joseph's neck the moment he realized what it was. Fear came back to his mind as he understood how silly he was for underestimating the other man. After all Joseph in all of his madness never showed any signs of stupidity.

Of course Joseph carried a _gun_.

But truth was that he didn’t desire to kill the Deputy at all. However, Joseph perfectly knew that the other man clearly believed he would be able to shoot him with ease. Truly, he could, but he would never pull the trigger.

“You undoubtedly are lost, Benjamin. You walked the path God has told you to go, but you got off the road,” Joseph stated quietly, with his voice low. “I offered you food, is _this_ how you thank me?”

The gun’s tip painfully pinned into Ben’s skin, and he realized that Joseph took a step, slowly forcing Ben to go backwards towards the bed. Benjamin yelped in fear knowing very well where this was going and what Joseph was going to do to punish him. His body started to shake again, still, he tried to keep his face straight.

“I don’t want your filthy food!” Ben breathed, with his voice slightly shaking.

Joseph grinned at that remark, looking now deep into his gray, scared eyes. “ _My_ filthy food?” Ben felt the edge of his bed behind him and he sat down, hissing in pain as his bottom hit the mattress. Joseph crouched in front of him, with the gun still being pressed to Ben’s belly. “Don't you remember where we are right now, Benjamin? It’s Dutch’s bunker, so it’s _Dutch’s_ filthy food, not mine.”

The smell hit Ben’s nose once again and he knew that he should try and eat something, otherwise Joseph is going to rape him faster than he assumed. By eating he is going to buy himself some time forーwell, actually for _nothing_. The horrible thought came to his senses that there was no way for him to run, not when Joseph was smart enough to know that the Deputy obviously was going to grab his chance and try to escape. Now he sat here with a gun pinned into his flesh and he felt so helpless that he wanted to cry.

“Eat, Benjamin. I’m not like my brother Jacob,” he said softly, pointing with his free hand at the food. “Starving you is far from what has to be done for both of us to reach redemption and to earn God's forgiveness.”

Ben swallowed loudly and reached towards the plate where the food was patiently waiting for him. He took a sandwich into both of his shaky palms as much as the rope was allowing him to, but Ben was not daring to look into Joseph’s eyes again. The Father smiled seeing Rook obey his words, while slowly taking the gun away from his belly.

“Don’t try to run from your Father ever again, child,” he breathed while getting up. Glancing over at the coffee tastefully still steaming, he took the cup and took a small sip, licking his lips afterward. He put down the gun on the place where the cup was previously standing. “But I am merciful, believe me. No punishment will be seized upon you for the crime you have done.”

Joseph _had_ to ensure the other man that there was no way to escape this bunker. He already showed him by many clever moves that Joseph very well knew what he was doing and that he had some experience in how to keep a prisoner in place. How to make one obey him.

The bread in Ben’s hand looked so tasty that he immediately bit into it, the taste filled up his mouth and made him more hungry than earlier. He munched the food, glancing over at Joseph that put the cup with coffee back on the table, right next to the gun. Staring at the gun he didn’t notice the Father kneeling in front of him.

“But punishment is just a word. A word with sense holding up a certain meaning,” Ben finished eating, feeling ashamed of the whole situation and the fact that he was still naked, and Joseph was carefully watching him. “Alas, this meaning tells us that when someone does something as bad as what you did to me, to your Father, you have _earned_ your punishment.”

Both of Joseph’s hands rested gently on Ben’s thighs, the surprised man yelped, moving his head to look at what was going on in front of him. “Lay down, Benjamin.” the Father whispered in a low, almost seductive voice, waiting for the other man’s reaction.

Benjamin’s breath got uneven, his mind was screaming at his own self that he had finished his dish too fast and now the horror of the previous time was happening again. He looked away, not wanting to look the other man into his piercing eyes. Exhaling loudly, he slowly proceeded to lay down, just as Joseph told him to.

Waiting for the worst to come, waiting for the other man to force his member into Ben’s tight hole once again, he felt the Father shifted above him, and the pressure from Joseph’s hands disappeared from Ben’s thighs. He whined, but then he heard a few steps and he could swear those steps were going towards the other end of the room.

Ben decided to investigate what was going on, lifting his head a little to find the Father not above him, but right next to the locked door. Surprised that he stood there, he almost tried to speak up to ask him why he was there, and not _here_ , but he only shook his head.

“I wanted to give you the chance to shower, Benjamin,” the Father turned to look at Ben before opening the door. “But your punishment is for you to live with your dirty and sinful body for the next few days.”

Benjamin was lying there, his head was still slightly lifted to keep Joseph in sight. And Joseph used the key to open the door and he stepped outside, not daring to look back at the Deputy before closing it behind himself again.

Suddenly a wave of relief hit Ben’s senses as it got to him that the man left him in peace. His legs were free, so he could walk around the room, maybe look for some useful things or tools that could make it easier for him to defend himself and to eventually escape. But instead of getting up, he continued to lie in the same position on the bed.

He was scared. Benjamin wanted to find something helpful and to think about some new ways of how he could escape, but he was simply afraid to do that again. This one try was enough stress and fear for him not to want to do it ever again. The gun being pressed to his flesh by a man that was clearly insane, and the fact that he… he used him not that long ago, without hesitation almost doing it again. It was simply too much for the Deputy to risk more pain than necessary.

But what else was he supposed to do? Wait for the other man to find his senses and to see all the wrongs he kept doing? Truly wait for Joseph to earn God's forgiveness and to get the promised redemption? Any other option he was thinking about seemed as ridiculous as the other ones. Every situation, every path he could try to choose was risky and could end in full of pain. And Benjamin didn’t want to take the risk to either die or be raped in a worse way than before.

While staring at the ceiling, he felt his stomach grumble a little. He was still hungry, so he sat up to take another sandwich to fill his belly. The pain radiating from his bottom once again let itself know of its existence, and Ben hissed in pain, but he decided to be brave, sitting in place even though it agonizingly hurt.

A shower. _God_ , he would actually give up everything to take a proper shower right now. He knew that he wouldn't leave the water streams for at least a few hours, trying to wash away all the dirt, pain and the shame the other man has left on his skin. He would come out cleaner than ever, but he was sure that he still would feel as dirty as before.

The thoughts made him feel a little tired, and since he had no idea what else he could do when he finished eating his sandwich he adjusted himself on the bed. He eventually closed his eyes, hoping for no nightmares to happen during his little nap.

On the other side of the door, there was happening a totally different story.

Joseph closed the door, having a feeling that the other man is probably going to stand up and try out if he closed the door after he had left. He waited by the room’s exit but no such thing happened.

The bunker was quite big, and Joseph was heading to one of the prettiest rooms down here, where the slight light of the aquarium was giving a pleasant and moody atmosphere. While sitting down on the armchair, he laid the keys and the gun down on the table. For a much longer while he stared at the gun.

“God, I need you to help me be stronger,” he whispered, closing his eyes. He made himself more comfortable on the furniture. “I was reckless. The Deputy almost hurt meーhe almost _killed_ me.”

The fishes inside the aquarium were splitting the water, swimming dangerously close to the surface. Joseph glanced over at them suddenly wishing to become one of their scaled friends. He would have no troubles, no sin dirtying his body and mind, his one and only sorrow becoming the fear if he finds the right amount of food, and if no predators eat him before he does.

Joseph hid his face in his palms. “What has become of me, God? I can sense moments of forgetness, moments when I’m not myself,” he kept praying, asking questions and patiently waiting for the responses. “I hurt him with ease once I’ve lost myself in his pain, _lust_ becoming my only purpose in life.”

He couldn’t understand what was happening in his mind. There were some things that he was indeed doing with ease, like holding someone captive or even killing someone. But this was something else. He never tolerated rape, never. And now… now he found himself doing exactly that what he swore he never would do to anyone.

“God, are you testing me? I know that you are,” he muttered, not waiting for God to answer. “You promised this was the only way for ourーmy own and Benjamin’s redemption. You said that… that _rape_ , God, how can I even be sure? How can _you_ be sure if this truly is right?”

Joseph suddenly tensed, as if God’s presence made it too overwhelming for him to handle. He groaned, the feeling filled his mind and he found it hard to catch a breath. He heard his voice, he heard his word, and now he was sure, suddenly feeling much better, but less himself. Again.

“Your word means more than my own conscience and rightful senses. The End has come, and no rational options are rational anymore. We hurt to live. We rape to earn redemption,” the Father stood up, ready to take a few steps closer to his destiny.” I shall listen, God, and I shall follow the path you have chosen for me.“

* * *

 

A few hours passed before Benjamin was finally comfortably napping on the bed. Curled up, he felt much safer than earlier when he was cuffed to the furniture; feeling so exposed, so naked. Now he managed to get his own pants back up, since Joseph didn’t completely pull them off.

The safety he felt was almost irrational. For how long was it about to last? Before he decided to take a short nap he could swear that at least a few hours passed. Actually, he couldn’t tell how many hours or days passed since they got here, there was no such thing as a clock down here, sadly. And he also wasn’t able or had anything to write down the time. Not that he knew what time it was.

Ben’s napping was abruptly stopped as he heard someone’s steps by the door. He got up faster than he intended to, with his head spinning a little from the sudden movement but the cautiousness he felt was much stronger. Trying to run wasn’t an option, not that soon after he failed so ridiculously. He couldn’t risk for Joseph to punish him in a worse way than he did the last time.

The key turned in the hole, a click could be heard and the door opened, revealing the Father’s silhouette. He was standing there proudly, only being clothed in his pants. No words were spoken as those two men watched each other, and the silence was becoming unbearable.

Joseph finally decided to break the peace by stepping in and closing the door behind himself, making sure that he hid the key in his pocket after locking them both in this room. Turning back to his captive, he noticed the empty plate and felt proud that the other man ate and drank everything he gave him.

“God has ensured me,” the soft voice of Joseph Seed filled the room, making Ben glance at the Father’s lips. “I heard the Voice telling me that this is the only way.” he continued, stepping closer to the bed where Ben was half sitting. The other man tensed as if exactly knowing what Joseph meant.

“No more hesitation.”, he stopped by the bed, laying down his knee on it, the other quickly followed the first one. One of his hands rested on Ben’s shoulder, the other grabbed the rope holding his captive’s hands together as he forced the man down, pinning him to the bed. His knees were now on both sides of the other man’s body, with Joseph sitting on top of him.

Benjamin was staring at the Father with fear building up in his eyes. From the moment he knelt on the bed, Ben started to object loudly, trying to kick the man off himself and to simply protect himself from his grasp. It was hard though, since Joseph was pretty strong and Ben’s hands were strangled, now up above his head.

Suddenly Ben stopped to wiggle, while they were looking at each other’s eyes. The Deputy had no idea how to save himself from this situation, how to escape from Joseph's tight grasp _before_ the worst.

Benjamin, as he was watching the other man’s lips, had a stupid idea of how toーmaybeーescape from Joseph's madness and this place. When the Father is going to work on him, being consumed by the lust and the instinct to fuck Ben till they both pass out, Benjamin will try to distract the man byー

 _No_. He couldn’t make himself fall _that_ low just to escape from this bunker. There possibly was another way to do that, he just needed more time to think and to analyze the whole situation. Maybe Joseph will soon let him take a shower and this is when he is going to sneak around to find some clues or useful tools.

But right now Joseph was sitting on top of him andーJoseph started to move his own hips forth and back, making Ben moan loudly in surprisement.

The Father smiled seeing how quickly the other man reacted to his little game. He continued to rock his body in a very slow pace, pressing intentionally his body down whenever he was going forth. The man underneath him tilted his head, avoiding Joseph's piercing stare. He didn’t want to close his eyes though, he wanted to keep in sight the Father and to see if there are any moments when he simply wasn't cautious.

But God, was it difficult.

“Ah, see? I have made you feel a little pleasure,” Joseph felt the other’s man erection slowly raising up as he kept rocking his body. His own member was already uncomfortably pressing on his pants, but he tried to be patient. “Come on, Benjamin. Don’t be ashamed to reveal your sin to me.”

Benjamin bit down his lip. He cursed his body that reacted in a healthy way to arousal created by someone working on his sensitive penis. It was a natural reaction, _there’s nothing he felt towards Joseph_ , he kept repeating in his mind.

It was true. The other man was disgusting to him; all he saw in him was a crazy cult leader that destroyed a peaceful county and its community, killing off many innocent. The thoughts still didn't make his growing erection go away, but it made him continue to hate Joseph furthermore.

“Fuck off,” Ben blurted out, careful not to speak up the usual _fuck you_ since that could definitely be read in a wrong way by the Father. He tensed a bit, trying to release his arms from Joseph’s grip, with no results. “Leave me alone, you disgusting creep!”

Joseph stopped, looking carefully at Benjamin’s gray eyes. He saw pure anger building up in him, but this was also the first time he noticed that Rook’s eyes had such a beautiful tint of gray. Studying his face he suddenly saw something else, something new on it. Something that broke his thoughts and movement and made him smile widely.

Lust.

Joseph pulled Benjamin’s hands down closer to his head, giving himself the possibility to brace on his own elbows while still holding the other man's hands safely above Ben’s head. This also gave Joseph the possibility to lay on Ben’s body down, the angle changing so that their members were both pressed together with still a huge layer of material between them.

A moan escaped Ben’s mouth and Joseph couldn't stop smiling seeing the other man not able to stop his lust. _What is worse to a man than to be raped while his own body seems to enjoy it_ , Joseph thought as he kept studying Ben’s face, now incredibly close to his own.

“ _You enjoy me_ , Benjamin.” he whispered to the skin of Ben’s neck, Ben was shivering at the warm breath and the beard that tickled him on his chest. He wanted to yell at the other man that it was nothing but a lie. It was impossible for him to open his mouth though, he was sure that otherwise more moans would betray his already cursed body.

Joseph’s lust was slowly getting out of patience. He bit his own lip, licking it right after while his eyes were staring at the soft and vulnerable skin of Benjamin’s neck. Nothing could stop him from leaving there a gentle and small kiss, mostly to see how the other man would react, and Joseph already knew very well what his body’s reaction is going to be.

Benーfeeling something tender and wet on his skinーshivered and hissed. Something warm, a strange feeling, went through his whole body. Suddenly the coldness of his senses came back to its previous state of consciousness that this was nothing else than Joseph kissing his skin.

Opening his mouth, Joseph crashed his lips with the gentle skin of Benjamin’s neck, sucking on it without any mercy left in him.

Ben’s whole body tensed and he groaned loudly feeling the other man’s lips work on his neck while their members kept being pressed together. It was a well-thought trap that Ben couldn't escape at all because his body truly _wanted_ it. The lust growing inside of him was becoming ridiculously big and he kept cursing the human’s nature that was clearly visible even on his own face.

“S-stopー _fuck_ , stop it, please…” he spoke up but out of sudden Ben moaned in unison with the Father as Joseph felt the vibrations under his lips. This made Joseph's penis painfully twitch in his pants, further digging into the other man’s member.

Joseph licked the other man’s jawline.

“It’s the first and last time that I’m listening to your pleas, Benjamin.” he beamed as he lifted himself a little, looking down proudly at the work he has done. “But I did it only because I was finished.”

Benjamin was marked by the Father, with his whole neck decorated with deep purple hickeys. Not daring to look at Joseph, Ben was staring at one of the walls, hoping for the other man to leave him like that. With all honesty he didn’t want for _this_ to evolve into something else. Something much worse.

But Joseph obviously was not done.

“You can’t see yourself now, but you have to know that you are marked as _mine_.” the Father kept staring at Ben’s now purple neck, feeling proud of how greatly he marked him. He was certain that some of those hickeys would last on this sensitive skin of Ben’s for a long time, which made him smile.

Joseph lowered his body again as he put all of his weight on Ben’s shaft, while the other man bit his lips not to give Joseph any satisfaction by moaning. “My sweetest brother John wanted to take you away from me,” the Father murmured, with his breath tickling the sensitive skin of Ben’s neck. “Tell me, Benjamin, did he ever touch you like I do?”

The voice sounded so soft, almost with hearable concern in it. At least _this_ was what Ben could swear that he heard. Many thoughts ran through his head, and he didn't want to answer this question at all. Done with all the Seeds, he decided to stay silent.

“Ah, silence is what you choose. Quite understandable, child, andーwith all honestyーI don't really want to know the truth,” the Father continued, his voice once again going back to his harsh, almost angry one. “But you are _mine_ now.”

Benjamin cursed loudly as he felt the familiar coldness on his arms. There were the usual cuffs that were about to keep him in place. He was so deep in ignoring Joseph's presence on his own body that he didn’t register any suspicious movements until it was too late. And now he was cuffed to the bed again.

Panic quickly rose in him as the realization got to his mind. He was forcefully wiggling around trying to release himself from the other man’s grasp but all for nothing. Joseph shushed him, promising him that this time it won’t be as bad as the last time.

None of those promises made Benjamin any calmer. On the contrary, he was panicking much worse than before, this time Ben being forced to face the other man. It wasn’t comfy those few days ago, being pushed down onto the mattress and pillows, Joseph pounding into him not caring about Ben’s wellbeing at all, but this seemed worse.

 _How could it be any better this time_ , Benjamin asked himself as he watched Joseph get up to undo his own pants. Hoping to literally kick his way out of this horrid place and situation, his legs were all the time in motion, wriggling and kicking to help himself with the impossible-to-win battle he was having against the Father.

The pants hit the ground, revealing the muscular but slim body of the Father, with his member already hard and ready. He saw Rook try to get away, he saw and sensed his fear and the helplessness that was creeping upon his eyes. It kind of reminded him of his small brotherーJohnーwhen he was still a little and innocent child that already perfectly knew what abuse was…

Joseph shook his head slightly, hoping for those memories to go away. They thankfully did as his eyes landed back on the man waiting for himーfinally stillーon the bed. Ben must have gotten tired of the fight against Joseph, panting loudly while watching his oppressor.

Approaching the bed, Joseph put his hand on his own member and stroked it gently to keep it hard. He knelt on the bed, crawling on top of his captive to undo the Deputy's pants.

Benjamin broke the eyesight with him, looking now up at the ceiling.

“We need to make sure you’re never going to put those on again, Benjamin,” the Father murmured being already halfway done with unbuttoning Ben’s pants. He leaned down while still working on the buttons and left a kiss on Ben’s belly, right above his belly button. “Don't feel ashamed of your body, Benjamin, it’s God’s purest work.”

Silence was Benjamin’s answer as he felt andーwhat was worseーlet the other man undress him, feeling helpless enough to stop wriggling around. Numbness was all that filled his mind as the other man parted his legs, his senses not working as they should.

Ben closed his eyes and bit his lip as he waited. He waited for the other man to start and finish his job and to just leave him alone. All he wished was peace, and he already knew that by fighting the Father he won’t achieve anything, so he gave up, too numb to act in any way.

The Father raped him until Benjamin was unconscious.


	3. Greed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph Seed has decided it was time to give Benjamin what he earlier didn't grant him with, and Benjamin, on the other hand, takes it as an occasion to flee that he is not going to pass.

All that could be heard was this annoying but familiar song Ben heard somewhere already. Not just once, he could swear that he had heard it so many times before that he was entirely done with that tune, its melody was reminding him of something he wished to forget.

The light was everywhere as he opened his eyes after the sheer realization that they were closed all that time. He brought up his hands to cover them a little from the blinding shines and hoped for his eyes to get used to the environment as quickly as possible but Benjamin gladly didn't have to wait long. The light sourceーwhich happened to be a lampーwas moved away to a different position so that his eyes could meet the darkness. And there, in this consuming darkness, stood a man who he remembered as someone long dead. Someone he, with his own hands, killed.

Jacob Seed.

The oldest brother of the Seed siblings was playing with a knife he too remembered well. It belonged to Johnーthough he wasn’t sure about thatーbut he was certain that John was the one who cut his throat using exactly this blade the last time he was dreaming.

He immediately brought his hands down to the skin on his neck where the cut was supposed to be but didn't find anything suspicious. Except for the fact that his own body felt a little different which made him look down, with his arms and palms being the first thing for his eyes to register.

And all of his limbs were incredibly skinny.

The other man that was standing in the darkness laughed loudly seeing the confusion in Ben’s eyes as he tried to comprehend the fact of how thin he was. Jacob bit his lip finding it amusing to see the other man not care about his presence here at all, but he forgave him that, knowing that Ben was right now too occupied with his own body.

The Deputy started to shake, and another realization came up to his mind. The awful, agonizing hunger that just reminded his whole body about its existence. Ben almost fell down to his knees once the pain hit his senses, but the table out of sudden standing in front of him made it impossible for him to fall.

Glancing down at the furniture he realized that there was a plate placed on it with many kinds of food, also a glass filled with clean and fresh water. Benjamin wanted to grasp it all at once to eat it whole as fast as possible but the man standing all that time in the darkness decided to finally approach him and let Ben know that he was still here.

“You know, when I was without food… hours felt like days, and days felt like weeks,” Jacob spoke up loudly, suddenly throwing the table over in one swift movement. He watched the other man almost cry out in pain as all the food disappeared in a second. Nearly all of it, _gone_. “So, Deputy, tell meーhow long seem to be mere five minutes of _fucking?”_

Staring at him, Ben felt as if the world was spinning around them both. He narrowed his eyes, not fully understandingーor wanting to understandーwhat Jacob meant by that at all.

“Joseph is feeding you, so be glad for that. He is giving you everything you need,” the Soldier continued, playing with the knife in his hands.

Jacob was holding a huge piece of raw meat that he saved from falling and the moment he bit into it, the blood started spilling from it making Jacob’s beard go all red, thus making him look even more menacing than ever. ”Remember, you’re stronger than you think, Deputy.” He spoke while munching the food that Ben would actually kill for right now.

The pain became unbearable for Ben and he started to silently beg the other man to feed him. Seeing the Seed eat his big portion of meatーeven though rawーdidn't make it any easier for Ben, but Jacob only shook his head and explained in a low tone. “After some time it will stop hurting that much, you’ll get used to it, and later either death or rescue will come. Luckily, you’re the one to choose your fate, so choose it wisely.”

Jacob finished his meal and knelt in front of Ben, pointing with his finger at Ben’s _gone_ leg, indicating that the meat he just ate was nothing less than his limb. The world was enough blurry for Dep’s liking but the realization of that he begged Jacob to feed him with his own flesh made him feel sick, the hunger nearly disappeared.

The ginger man cast a shit eating grin as he saw how Benjamin’s expression changed. He brought up the knife he earlier played with and out of sudden stabbed Ben right into his guts, circling the knife inside him to open the wound widely. “Only you can save him. And saving him will save your own damn self as well.”

Benjamin screamed at the pain the blade caused, but the pain, at first unbearable, slowly started to fade and Ben felt weaker and weaker every given moment, suddenly feeling glad that the pain was nearly gone. Jacob took the knife out of his flesh, neither pain nor blood was bothering the Rook.

“See? The pain’s gone as promised. Now wake up, Dep.”

And Benjamin woke up to the already familiar sound of the key turning in the keyhole. Flinching, he brought up his knees closer to his body to hug them tightly, the feeling of fear never stopped to appear whenever the other man was entering this particular room.

There was still no way for him to tell what time it was, nor could he tell how many days he already was trapped down here. He had nothing to count the time to see if barely an hour passed or a week, but he had a strange feeling it wasn’t that long since the day they both entered this bunker to hide from the collapse.

Actually, he had an awful feeling it’s been barely a day.

Joseph stepped in not closing the door behind himselfーas the last time he didーand he slowly approached the bed where the small and fragile figure was waiting for him. It didn't go unnoticed to Joseph that Rookie was shivering from either cold or fear, but the Father clearly ignored that fact and grabbed the man by his arm to indicate that he wants him to stand up.

Ben couldn’t understand what the other man was up to, but he made a decision to obey himーfor nowーfulfilling Joseph’s wish and standing up just to see what he was planning to do with him. Of course, Benjamin knew that no good was about to happen anyway, but the still unlocked and completely open door was what made him so curious, and what made the fear of Joseph being so close to him much smaller. At least for now.

The Father pushed him away from the bed, forcing him to go to the door's frame and Ben suddenly thought about all of this being nothing but a trap. Thinking of open doors and a way to escape was almost like a marvel to his senses, but he couldn’t let his will and his enormous need to flee consume his whole mind. It would be foolish of him if he went right into Joseph’s hands by trying to run away in such an obvious way.

Once they left the room that Benjamin associated only with pain and devastation of his own body, they entered the corridor that he remembered from the last time he visited Dutch, just before the collapse. It smelled so friendly, so comfy, that Benjamin for a second forgot about Joseph and his presence, his nose was filled with the smell of something that felt like home, like… _safety_.

Joseph pushed Ben to continue their way towards another door, and Rookie shook his head, feeling as if he just woke up from a dream.

God, wasn’t it where the exit of this bunker was located? Benjamin knew this place quite well, and this definitely was the corridor to the room where the exit was situated, so Ben happened to be closing the distance to his freedom. But _no,_ he must stay attentive and remember that all of this might be a trap and the Deputy wasn’t that foolish to fall for the other man’s stupid ideas.

But when the penultimate door was opened by Joseph, Ben exhaled loudly, finally finding out _why_ the Father was leading him in here. It wasn’t just the room with the exit door that stood between the bunker and his own freedom, but it was also the only bathroom that was located down here in this very bunker that once belonged to Dutch.

Benjamin stopped himself from cursing loudly. He thought about the many possibilities of how Joseph could hurt him in this small room and the realization of that made him shiver once again. He saw the two showers and the known text someone has left between the devicesー _don’t drop the soap_ ーwith the 'don’t' clearly being crossed out. A nervous laugh almost left his mouth when Joseph pushed him towards one of the showers.

And Ben looked over at the exit door that would further lead him to the bunker’s trap-door.

He almost couldn't believe how close he was to escaping this place, how close the freedom that he desired so much was, nearly in his hand’s reach. But no, he actually shouldn't even try to run. What would he do anyway? Could he even leave after what had happened outside? What was he even able to do? Many unanswered questions were building up in his mind and the time kept passing, while his possibility to find the freedom he desired was drifting away from him with every passed second.

Ben gulped loudly and looked away from it for a second just to find the device in his hand which he put on the water that lazily flowed down at him. And God, it was _ice cold_. As it hit his skin he hissed loudly, and his eyes again broke the romantic stare between him and that damn door. Benjamin shivered and eventually found a soap there to properly wash his body from top to bottom, though his hands still being tightly tied up by the rope didn’t make it any easier for him. Still, he used a lot of force to wash away all the dirt that the other man had left on him.

An unnerving feeling of someone watching him out of sudden attacked his mind. He turned his head slightly, knowing well that it was none other, but Joseph, though he still wanted to see what the other man was doing in here.

Joseph indeed was standing idly in place and staring at Benjamin wash himself. He consumed Ben’s body with his eyes, with lust clearly written on his face as he watched Ben gently touch himself with the soap, washing away every sin that Joseph has left on his skin. And Ben was cleaning himself harshlyーwhich didn’t go unnoticed to the Fatherーtrying to shower away all the pain and shame the other man had left on his body and mind.

But Joseph didn’t intend to move from his spot to join him at all, as Ben clearly noticed while he tried to cleanse himself.

The water was streaming now more slowly as he turned the device a bit down, trying to stay under the cold and unpleasant water as long as it was possible. While facing the white wall in front of him he started shivering, being barely able to stand the coldness anyway, but God, it was much better than lying underneath Joseph that he took his time and he bit his lip down while trying not to make the other man see that he clearly had enough.

Shaking more than ever in his life Ben turned the water off deciding it was time for him to finally stop buying the time he couldn't even truly afford. He was _freezing_ , and he felt that Joseph was aware of that fact, though the man didn’t say a word about that, patiently waiting for Benjamin to finish. Turning around to face him, Ben realized that Joseph was not in the spot where he previously was standing, nor was he anywhere to be found in this particular room.

Ben almost panicked from not having Joseph in sight, but suddenly his instincts once again let themselves know of their existence that this was probably his one and only chance to run. Looking over at that door, the only barrier that was holding him right now in this horrendous place, he suddenly heard the other man re-enter the bathroom using the door that they both earlier crossed.

There was a curse he wanted to shout at Joseph the moment he heard the other man work on the handle, but he stopped himself as the fear completely overtook his senses. He still cursed silently in his mind over his own stupid and _weak_ self because of how easily the Father managed to manipulate him by just being around.

But God, the way Joseph used him was enough for Ben not to want to try anything shortsighted and definitely not unplanned.

The sheer awareness of the fact that whenever he would fail to escape this place Joseph would hurt him, furthermore was making it harder for Ben to concentrate on planning new escape routes. The Father was clearly prepared for every possible outcome, and Benjamin restrained from making any unnecessary moves that would somewhat help him escape.

Joseph approached Ben to hand him a towel, then he stood silently beside him to give the other man some room. He now avoided looking at Rookie that was trying to wipe the moist away, but the Father still found it pretty hard not to look since Ben hadーwith all honestyーan athletic and muscular body he desired to conquer. Benjamin was gorgeous from head to toe, and nobodyーnot even Benjamin himselfーcould deny that fact.

Once Benjamin was done, Joseph took the towel away and left it in a place where it could dry off to later be used again.

“That water will not cleanse you from sin, Benjamin, but at least you smell better now,” Joseph smiled and brought his hand up to Ben’s dark curls that clearly looked longer than the first time the Father met the Deputy. He played a little with one stubborn strand of hair but eventually found himself too lost in that, stopping abruptly. “Come, let’s get you something to eat.”

With that Joseph lead the other man out of the bathroom, away from the door to freedom and from the room, Ben realized would possibly be the only place where he would feel at least a little bit more comfortable and safe.

Joseph guided him back to Ben’s own room, to that horrible place where Joseph was locking and using him whenever he felt like it, this time closing the door behind them both. Food was indeed waiting there for Benjamin, and he realized that Joseph possibly left the bathroom only to prepare that boring meal for him.

Ben continued to stand by Joseph, waiting for the man to lock the door. He slowly closed his eyes, with his body starting to shiver from both coldness and fear. Ben perfectly knew what all of that meant as Joseph closed the distance between them, leaving a mark on Ben’s neck.

* * *

 

Whenever Benjamin was opening his eyes he could hear the already familiar key turning in the keyhole. Joseph was bringing him food every morning, but before Ben could even take a bite from whatever the man decided to feed him with, Joseph was _always_ aroused enough to fuck Benjamin.

Once done, Ben was always left alone to lie on the bed to try to keep it all together and for the pain to slowly fade away. He remembered Jacob's words about that; Ben heard him declare every single nightーfrom the first time the oldest Seed visited him in his dreamsーthat it would stop hurting at some point, with Benjamin becoming used to it in a way.

And he did become accustomed to the pain, somehow. It obviously didn’t completely fade awayーhe would forever feel uncomfortable with Joseph fucking him hard whenever he entered that room only to do exactly this. But it truly hurt less and less every time it was happening.

Though there were those blessed times when Joseph was coming in just to guide Benjamin towards the bathroom where he could shower in peace. It was the only time Ben could look at the other man with no fear, already being sure about the fact that Joseph wouldn't do a thing to him while he showers. At least not until they were back in Ben’s room, because whenever Ben was done cleaning himself, he was brought back to the usual place for Joseph to shamelessly rape him. Then he was left alone till the nextーhow Ben called itーmorning.

There still was no way for Benjamin to know what day or even time it was. The only way to count the passing days was through the frequency of how often he was going to shower, and through the two times when Joseph was coming to fuck him. All of that happened to be quite regular, and he counted that from the day he had the dream with Jacob at least a month has passed.

This wasn't a good thing to be familiar with. Actually, he felt horrible knowing that Joseph didn’t even _flinch_ for over a damn month, not even happening to be bored with hurting Benjamin all that time, day after day. He hopedーhe _really_ hoped that Joseph would just simply grow tired of visiting Ben twice a day, but he never did. Joseph never missed his morning and evening fuck.

Never.

But Benjamin had enough. He had enough from the day one and he had to try something once more just to escape from this prison that once was a safe place for him and Dutch. All that time here he was observing the whole bunker in search of any useful tools whenever the Father was guiding him to the bathroom. Also, he was watching every move of Joseph’s, remembering every gesture and habit he had.

And Joseph _felt_ watched.

The Father was not stupid not to notice that Benjamin was once again trying to find a way out of this place. He found it amusing that Benjamin didn’t give up completely just yet, but in a way, he admired his prisoner for being so determined.

The second time Ben tried to escape was of course while in the bathroom. Joseph left him for awhileーas he sometimes didーand Ben decided to try and open the door between the bunker and the trap-door. Before he tried it out, he managed to block the door to the corridor with a chair that he put there just so that Joseph couldn’t walk inside before Benjamin was gone.

But Benjamin unfortunately failed. There was no way to open that gate without its key nor without any proper tools, so he had to eventually let Joseph in because he knew that the longer he stayed locked in there, the more the other man would hurt him.

And Joseph indeed hurt him. He smashed Ben with his belt, leaving huge wounds on his lower back and bottom. The pain from these was unbearable to Ben and Joseph didn’t make it any easier fucking him the next day too. Benjamin thought he was done with crying whenever the other man was raping himーhe got so used to the pain that eventually the tears stopped streamingーbut this time it was incredibly hard for him not to cry when those wounds were feeling as burns on his skin.

A quite long time had passed before the scars disappeared, with delicate stripes being the only trace after them. Ben never again tried to escape counting from that time, but he still was watching the other man whenever he could. They barely spoke, even Joseph didn’t talk to him that often as usual so sometimes Ben happened to hear nearly only Jacob in his dreams.

Once the 38th day was about to end, he buried himself in the bed, his arms as always tightly tied together. He was waiting for the dreams to consume him, for Jacob to once again visit him and to tell him that he shouldn’t be complaining because Joseph was at least feeding him and letting him shower.

The oldest Seed brother wasn’t wrong about thatーin a way. Benjamin had it quite acceptable as a prisoner because he had his own room with a bed that was truly comfortable. He also had pillows and something warm enough to cover himself with when the nights were cold. Joseph always brought him food, the plates were filled till the edges and there was always coffee and water for him to drink as well. Showers were also a luxury he had every single day, though the water was always quite cold but Ben was sure that there was nothing to be done with that.

The dreams finally came as he was thinking about Jacob’s wisdom and the authenticity behind them. But confusion suddenly hit him as he realized he was not in the usual place where Jacob was regularly waiting for him. It was quite dark in this new environment and he could see walls in front of him, and he understood that he must have been somewhere interior.

Benjamin looked around, finding at the end of that room a soft light where a man was sitting on a quite small stool. That man was playing with his knife, throwing it up in the air and catching it perfectly whenever it was lazily falling down.

Slowly approaching the person that was sitting in the light, Ben noticed that the man一Jacob一was staring at him at the same time while still being able to catch his knife into his hand without even looking at it. Ben found it amazing, for a second forgetting that it was just a dream.

“Nice, huh? In dreams you are able to do whatever you desire.” The Seed spoke up with a gentle tone that filled the walls around them which made Ben feel almost like at home.

_Safe._

“You know, there’s something you need to know about my little brother,” Jacob finally broke the stare he was holding with Ben, and he glanced over at that knife he kept stabbing Benjamin with. He smiled and continued, with his tone as calm as earlier. “Joseph never wanted thisーand I know that you heard that a thousand of times, Dep, don’t give me that stare.”

Jacob stood up with a soft sigh, approaching the confused man and closing the still quite long distance between them. Still playing with his knife, this time a little differently, he looked over at something behind Ben. “And by this I mean… _this_.” He pointed by moving his chin up at the something he was currently staring at and Ben turned around to give it a look as well.

Disgust was all Ben could feel as he suddenly heard the usual and familiar sound the key in the keyhole was making, Ben was now able to see the very well known door from his room in the bunker. He waited and waited, but nobody seemed to enter.

Suddenly something bright and quite small hit the door, and after a few seconds, Ben realized that it was nothing else but Jacob’s knife that he must have thrown at it with amazing precision and aim.

“He is _weak_. He doesn’t know that, but he’s weak,” Jacob’s voice sounded clearly disgusted now, and he approached the door to take the knife out of the material that shouldn’t actually allow for the knife to impale it at all. He struggled a little with it, the door magically consumed almost the whole blade. “No strength can be found in whatever the fuck he is doing to you.”

With a swift move a few seconds later, the knife was back in Jacob’s hands, Jacob examining it to see if there were no flaws that the impact has possibly caused. It also didn’t go unnoticed to Benjamin that there was fresh blood on the blade, and Ben started to wonder to whom it belonged.

And _God_ , he hoped with all of his heart that it was Joseph whose blood was on it.

“Listen now, Dep,” The oldest Seed approached Rookie again, pointing the knife at his chest, but not in a dangerous or threatening manner. “He knows no stop to his own disgusting actions, all of them slowly leading him to his own fall. But they are also leading him to what God has said would be his redemption.”

Jacob took the Deputy’s hand into his own, placing the knife in Ben’s big palm and closing it on it. Jacob sighed loudly and continued with a low whisper. “Only you are going to make him truly see all the wrongs he keeps doing.”

Feeling the cold handle of the knife on his hand and hearing the soft voice of Jacob Seed silently coo in the air made Benjamin shut his eyes. He closed his own palm around the weapon the other man had gifted him with, with his grip tight, and Benjamin never felt as determined as he did right now.

“ _Only you_ , Ben, are the name of his redemption.” The whisper gradually started to fade, Benjamin also couldn’t feel Jacob anywhere around him anymore. Yet he didn’t open his eyes to see if the other man was still there or if he was already gone. He could only feel how the strength slowly started to fill all of his body up, sudden courage Jacob granted him with making him feel more powerful and stronger than ever.

“Kill him, Benjamin. _Sacrifice the weak_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed (in a way) just another chapter of mine!


	4. Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sacrifice the weak, Benjamin.

Joseph, as always, was leading Benjamin to the bathroom for the man to clean himself before the Seed could fuck him, and thus the day could finally end. But this time Ben wasn’t feeling scared nor disgusted at all, for the dream he had had last night had encouraged him to try out the thing he had once been thinking about but which he had refused to do.

Till now.

He was feeling much more confident than ever since Joseph, for a reason unknown, decided to uncuff his hands before leading Ben to the bathroom. It felt as if Joseph was now sure that there was no way for Benjamin to escape, and even if he tried he would probablyーin Joseph’s opinionーfail anyway, and Joseph knew that Benjamin was aware that failing meant only one thingーmore pain. 

All the way to the last room inside of the bunker Ben was quite cautious, truly unsure about what Joseph had in mind because he never allowed for Ben to walk around with no cuffs nor rope on his hands. Maybe Joseph was planning to do something completely different and Ben just thought that he was leading him to the bathroom. This made Benjamin feel a little anxious, but he tried to remain as confident as possible, seeing that Joseph, in fact, was leading him to the room with the showers inside.

 _God, for once make it easier for me._ Ben kept repeating pleas in his mind as Joseph opened the last door, gently pushing the man inside and following him afterward.

Once there, Joseph stood by the door and said nothing while Benjamin went under the shower to let the unpleasantly cold water, as always, wash away all the dirt the other man had left on his body. He hoped that this would be the very last time he had to do this, planning everything from scratch and hoping for Joseph to finally act less cautious and fall for his little trap.

Suddenly he heard Joseph move and he turned around to look at the other man that was already in the middle of walking away. He was scared that Joseph wouldn’t cooperate with him and first not even enter the bathroom together with him and secondlyーnot attend to leave this room afterward as he sometimes did, but Benjamin was incredibly lucky. He _wanted_ for Joseph to turn around to leave because this would give him a better reason to call him and make Joseph be too surprised by that to think of it as a trap.

So the moment Benjamin heard and saw Joseph turn towards the exit, Ben called him out with a harsh voice.

“Wait a second, Iー”

Ben paused abruptly, biting his tongue and realizing that never before had he the chance to call Joseph by his name, never actually _daring_ to call him out at all. Scared of what it might cause, it lead to the fact that Ben was only speaking to Joseph while the Father was raping him, mostly begging the man to stop it or at least to slow down.

Joseph immediately stopped in his tracks, a question was building upon his face as he looked Ben straight into his eyes, with no glasses on his nose. He narrowed his eyebrows but since Ben continued to stand in silence while staring at him, Joseph decided to speak just to break the unnerving silence that was building up between them.

“Yes?”

There were many ways Ben thought about of how he could start what he was just about to do. He analyzed every detail of this situation, thinking how hard it will be to even get Joseph’s attention since he tends to ignore Ben everytime he was calling him whenever Joseph was above him. But this time they seemed equal, both of them being in Ben’s safe spot which happened to be the bunker’s bathroom.

They stared at each other, Ben trying to concentrate on Joseph's face, his piercing, blue eyes making it really hard for Ben to hold that stare. A short while passed when the Father was about to open his mouth again to ask another question, this time with an attend to use a much more impatient tone, but before he managed to do it, Ben quickly moved and closed the distance between them.

At first, the Father was pretty sure Benjamin was about to fight his way out of his place as he once tried to do. But no, this time was clearly different. _Completely_ different. And totally unexpected for Joseph.

Joseph’s instinct immediately brought his own hands up to protect his body and to eventually push Ben away, with his senses reminding him that Benjamin is quite the strong man that could be able to hold Joseph back if he only tried. Ben stopped for a second while right in front of Joseph and breathed loudly before bringing his own hands up to roughly pin Joseph to the door behind him.

And he, as Joseph feared, did it with ease.

The Father whimpered in surprise, cursing himself in his mind that he hadn't been cautious enough to act in a proper way before Benjamin pinned him to the wall. He tried to fight against the force he felt on his forearms, but he noticed Ben stare calmly into his eyes, barely inches away from his own face.

Suddenly Benjamin leaned in and crashed his lips with Joseph’s own, kissing the confused man hard on his mouth.

The Father was completely stiff after his whole body tensed, and he very well knew what Ben just did to him, not trying to push the other man away anymore. As he was not able to believe in what just happened, he tried to analyze the whole situation before he would act in any way. He felt Ben’s lips work on his own, gently, but still with a rough and needy feeling in them. After a short while Joseph relaxed instead of using his hands to try to push Ben away, letting the wonderful feeling the kiss had given him fully consume him, and Joseph almost immediately forgot about whatever he planned to do with Ben.

Benjamin was taller than Joseph, enough for Joseph to lean his head up and for Ben to lean his own down. All that time down here in this small bunker it was Joseph who was above Ben, being the one in charge here. The Deputy felt small, he even wanted to look as tiny and fragile as possible, but right now it was _him_ who was towering over Joseph, feeling big and strong, dominating the Father by pinning him to the door and kissing him roughly on his lips.

And Joseph clearly enjoyed it.

Neither of them realized how close their bodies were or when their arms embraced one another, and their needs were trying to bring them as close to each other as possible. Joseph opened his mouth, inviting Ben’s tongue, and Benjamin with no hesitation and further thoughts accepted that offer. Both slowed down, the need for air becoming bigger than their lust that was very slowly building up in them, and Ben eventually broke the kiss, backing his head away to look Joseph into his eyes.

Trying to read what the other man was thinking he saw something he didn’t expect to see. Joseph’s eyes were still closed with his lips parted, as if he was waiting for Ben to continue what he had just started, and when the Deputy didn’t move at all, Joseph opened his eyes to look at the man that was barely inches away from him.

They stared at each other's eyes and lips, panting loudly from how tiring the kiss was. Joseph mouthed something inaudible, Ben still was somewhat sure that it was his own name he heard, but before he could do a thing and ask the other man to repeat it, Joseph's hands cupped Ben’s face in a gentle manner, and their lips were once again together.

 

Moaning into the kiss, Benjamin realized that his own penis was hard, delicately pushing onto Joseph’s pants where the other man’s dickーstanding proudly as wellーwas hidden. The Father brought one of his hands to the pants to undo them and to release his dick from its prison while Benjamin’s tongue was deep in his mouth, again making it hard for both of them to breathe.

 

Ben’s hands suddenly landed on Joseph's back, massaging him and bringing him closer and closer, their bodies were pressed together in a very uncomfortable way to the Father. Joseph could not work on his belt anymore since the pressure was too much, _but God_ , he needed that release so badly he whispered a small plea into Benjamin’s mouth, but the man ignored himーas Joseph assumed clearly too lost in the kiss.

But suddenly a familiar click could be heard and Joseph laughed out loud finally breaking the kiss. He backed away while feeling Ben’s hand work on the gun hidden in the holster on the back of his hips, but it was too late for any proper reaction. Ben grabbed the weapon and immediately brought it up to the Father’s chest.

Joseph felt the tension quickly build up again between them, but he still was shocked after what the man had done to him barely a few seconds ago. Both men were panting loudly, trying to catch a breath after the kiss that had happened between them. The Father licked his lips, trying to memorize the taste of Ben’s mouth, and his body was already missing the closeness and warmth of the other man’s body.

“ _Benjamin…_ ” Joseph’s voice sounded quite disappointed, a soft laugh once again left his mouth. ”Here I thought that this… that _this_ was serious,” he breathed, clearly not caring about the fact that there was someone aiming a gun at his heart. “I told you already, there’s no way out of this place until God’s word is fulfilled. And you know that my voice is his own.”

He took a step and Ben tensed, concentrating on the aim and almost pinning the gun to Joseph’s skin, but he had to take a step back anyway. “Don’t move or I’ll shoot you!” Ben shouted, his hands started to shake as he felt more and more bad with this situation, clearly aware of the fact his plan might develop in a way he wished for it not to work out.

But Joseph did not listen, taking another step forward and somehow once again forcing Ben back. “God will not let you hurt me, Benjamin. No matter how hard you try, you won't leave until I say so.”

Another step.

And this is when Ben closed his eyes and pulled the trigger, not warning the Father the final time.

After a few long and silent seconds Joseph cupped the other man’s face, and Benjamin whined from that foreign yet known feeling on his skin. Ben opened his eyes, looking at the calm and bright eyes of the Father, then looking down at the gun still aimed at Joseph’s chest. The unnerving feeling that the silence together with another and weird sounding click that could be heard left in him was almost unbearable. He tried to search for a wound the gun could and even _should_ leave, and he sought for any clues of how Joseph was yet not bleeding to death. Ben again examined the gun that was still in his shaky hand and this is when it hit him.

The gun didn’t go off.

Joseph gently touched the weapon taking it away from Ben and opening the magazine to show Ben that the bullets, in fact, _were_ there. It wasn’t Joseph walking around with an empty gun, butーBen realizedーGod truly did not let him hurt the Father.

Now it meant for Ben that Joseph surely is going to hurt him for what he almost did, punishing him for this stupid action that could end up with Benjamin killing Joseph.

Benjamin feared the Father now more than ever.  

Joseph hid the gun in his holster and grabbed the man by his arm, forcing him back through the corridor and further into Ben's room. Benjamin whined loudly, the fear was overtaking him as Joseph pushed him forcefully onto the bed, and the Father was not even giving him a moment to breathe and restrain himself from the impact it caused.

While hitting the bed with his belly Benjamin yelped loudly, already feeling the other man crawl onto the furniture from behind him. Both his hands and legs were free from cuffs, but he didn’t fight back anyway, as if knowing that in this and any other case it was pointless. Ben could feel his whole body go numb, he could feel how the whole world was turning against him and he cursed himself for even trying to escape in such a horrendous and silly way.

Being on top of him, Joseph grabbed his dick and slid it into Benjamin’s hole with no preparation and warnings, his thrusts were fast and rough from the very beginning, and he tried his best to feed himself with Benjamin’s agonizing screams his brutality caused.

But Joseph Seed felt no more lust.

 

* * *

 

Joseph locked the door behind himself and he hid the key in his pants’ pocket while still hearing the muffled sounds of Ben quietly sobbing in his room. He exhaled sharply and leaned with his back onto the door to slowly slid down until he sat on the ground. Bringing up his right hand to his face, he hid his mouth in it as he alone released a painful whine. Even though this was the fastest fuck, without Joseph cuming at the endーhe couldn’t, it was the first time when he couldn't simply finishーhe knew that this one time was the worst compared to any other visit of his.

He was shaking slightly as he moved his other hand in front of himself to look at the thingーhis own damn hand, his whole fucking body and mindーthat just managed to hurt Ben in a way incomparable to any other, at the body of his that also a few minutes ago was gently embracing Ben to bring the man closer to himself only to deepen the kiss.

Bringing two of his fingers up to his own lips, he tried to remind himself of the feeling that the warm and wet lips of the other man left, to remember the delicate and slow pace he at first had started with, to later invite Joseph's tongue into his mouth, their tongues circled together in an unbreakable unison. 

Joseph’s eyes were now closed as he gently caressed his own face near his mouth with his fingers to somehow imagine Ben in front of himself as the other man stood proudly, dominating over him and kissing him hard, the taste of Ben’s mouth  _still_ visibly perceptive on Joseph’s parted lips.

A loud curse left Joseph’s mouth, and he suddenly tried to forget all the feelings that the one simple kiss had brought to both his mind and heart. But he simply couldn’t forget about the taste of it and he couldn’t stop to think about how wonderful it felt to be kissed. When Benjamin broke the kiss because the both of them needed air and a small pause from too many emotions at once, Joseph just couldn’t stop himself from not tasting Benjamin once again, proceeding to step closer just to continue to kiss Ben. And Ben for a few amazingly long seconds _let_ the Father kiss him, clearly losing himself in that damn feeling it caused as well.

Until Benjamin ruined the moment.

But was _Ben_ truly the one who ruined it in the first place? _What_ did he even ruin? Many questions were building up in Joseph’s head, but nothing logical was coming to his senses because of how vividly he still remembered the kiss and all the feelings it left in him.

All the begs, whimpers, Ben crying, sobbing, even Ben clearly feeling and showing pain didn’t bring to Joseph’s mind that many emotions as a one, simple, and stupid kiss did.

After asking God for any help or guidance, he got no answer at all, feeling lost with his own sinful self. He craved more kisses, he wanted to force Ben to give him more of them, but forcing him to do it again wouldn’t bring the same effect that he had felt while Benjamin proceeded to kiss him that time earlier. When he was hurting him barely a few minutes ago he didn't even try to get a kiss from Ben, he didn’t dare to, even though he wanted it so much he knew this would be forced and unnatural. And that kiss that turned out to be just Ben’s escape plan felt so _real_ , it was pure, gentle, and Joseph felt…

 _God_ , what did he even feel during that certain moment?

His heart was still racing as if he just finished a marathon, and Joseph was unable to calm himself nor his breath, not even a little. And this wasn’t thank to the hard fucking he had gifted Benjamin withーthough he used a lot of effort to do thatーhe knew it was due to what his feelings were doing because of how invested they both were in that one, pure kiss.

God’s voice being absolutely silent didn’t help him in his struggles either.

While getting up his head suddenly spun, and he almost landed hard on the ground, Joseph in time found somethingーa wallーto hold onto and to wait for the feeling to vanish.

 _God, he wanted more_. He beyond doubt wanted it more than his own damn redemption God had promised him to give. And Joseph was now unquestionably sure that it wasn’t the lust he usually felt. It was… _different_ , coming deep from within him and spreading through every vein of his, consuming the whole body and mind of his, and making it impossible for him to rationally think anymore. Lust was similar, but there were visible differences between lust and what he felt right now.

Joseph still demanded Ben’s body to be close, he wanted to hold him, to feel his flesh under his hands and to delicately trace his jawline with his fingers. He desired to leave small kisses on his mouth, to finally deepen it and to welcome Ben’s tongue into his mouth, feeling the man close as he never did before. Breaking the kiss, he wished to look him into his big, gray eyes, to read what they were telling him, and to… not find any fear or disgust there.

“God, why did you abandon me?” Joseph exhaled, a sob almost escaped his mouth as he looked up at the ceiling. He never had any troubles to kill for God’s name or for his siblings and children. To protect them and to fulfill God’s will he was able to do worse things than murder, and he wouldn’t even flinch a bit by doing so. Torturing, killing, drugging people, none was hard for him to do for the sake of his family’s safety and well-being. Rape wasn’t that hard for him to perform either, until now.

So what did happen to him that right now it became the hardest thing to complete?

He wished to enter Ben’s room to at least look at the man, maybe to find there any clues of why he felt so awful. But once he stepped to turn to the door, and once he brought the key up to the keyhole, he stopped. His whole body tensed and he gently rested his forehead on the door to think and to eavesdrop if the other man was still awake.

What Joseph managed to hear didn’t make it any easier for him. Faint and muffled cries were all he heardーBen clearly wasn't on the bed because of how close he heard himーbut suddenly he could also register Benjamin quietly pray for God to show him mercy if he had anything left of it for him.

Joseph closed his eyes, feeling the big need to show Ben that God was here, that he always _was_ and forever will _be._ But he also remembered that he was telling him those words every single time he had fucked him; that it was all God's work and will he was fulfilling. Joseph believed that God desired for Joseph to achieve his own redemption, and God did ensure him many times that getting it was only through Ben’s pain, so Joseph kept ensuring Ben as well, mumbling him every single time that his cries are what makes God happy.

 _What_ was Joseph even thinking? God was not like _this_. He guided him, telling him what had to be done to _save_ his children from the collapse, never directly ordering him to get rid of his enemies through a bullet, by physical and mental tortures or by whatever else he could come up with. This was the first time God directly wanted for Joseph to break another human’s soul by Joseph being the worst man in the world.

And he did his job so well. 

Joseph hid the key in his pocket, later putting his hands on the door and delicately sliding them down as if imagining it was Ben. He thought of his siblings, the ones Benjamin so mercilessly killed to save Hope County, he remembered all of his children that died in the name of Joseph Seed and God, and he still felt no anger nor hate towards Benjamin even though the Deputy ruined _everything_ he wanted to achieve. Pity, compassion, even mercy was all he felt right now. But he alone couldn’t tell if it was towards Ben or his own broken self.

It hit Joseph that it wasn’t him who broke Benjamin, it was the other way around.

The Father left the door behind, walking towards another room where his own bed was located. He sat on it, unbuckling his pantsーnot the first time todayーand sliding them down, pushing down also his boots. Laying himself comfortably on the bed, he stared at the ceiling as he tried to imagine his siblings’ faces, hoping for them to help him out when he needed their aid the most. But none appeared. Asking God to guide him, to speak to him his truth and to tell him what he was supposed to do now, he heard only silence. 

Joseph Seed was alone, with only Benjamin’s muffled cries being the only thing to be heard.

Closing his eyes he let the dreams embrace him faster than ever, and tiredness was conquering his mind and body, and suddenly he saw Benjamin standing in front of him, looking at Joseph with a face that the Father couldn’t read at all. His heart started to race as he realized that Ben was slowly approaching him, and once he stood barely inches away, Joseph saw how tall he actually wasーhis own eyes being on Ben’s mouth level.

Feeling strong arms on his own he also remembered that Ben was, in fact, quite muscular too, but whenever Joseph was holding him down he felt much stronger, bigger and much more powerful than the other man. But right now, with Ben standing and staring down at him, he felt small and vulnerable. Dominated.

Joseph closed his eyes, unable to hold Ben’s stare any second longer. And the moment he did, he felt delicate and wet lips on his own. Melting into the kiss and embracing Ben with his own hands, bringing one of them up to his head to hide it in his dark curls, he heard something familiar by his side. Not wanting to break the kiss just yet, he tried to ignore that unnerving feeling of someone standing not far away from them, watching.

Eventually, the Deputy was the one to break it, and when Joseph opened his eyes to look up at the man that just kissed him, Ben was gone. Instead, three familiar silhouettes were standing a short distance away from him.

Trying to call them out, to ask them to come closer, he also realized he couldn’t speak up at all.

Faith was the first to approach him with a slow and steady pace, twirling around from time to time with her hands reached up to the sky. She was smiling, as always, humming softly a known to Joseph’s ears tune they sometimes had sung in the church. Once she stood before him, a white Bliss flower appeared in her hand, and Faith handed it over to Joseph who accepted it with a sad smile. She continued to walk, going around Joseph and knowing well that he was watching every move of hers. Faith stopped and giggled, pointing now at the flower in Joseph’s hand.

Joseph smiled back at her and looked down at his fist, only to find a gun there.

Glancing back at Faith, he found her standing very close to him, her eyes were looking up into her brother’s own. “To use it properly is to use it never,” she sung, and Joseph exhaled at the feeling of pure happiness spreading in his body as the girl spoke. _God, he missed her_. “But if you have to do it, do not hesitate. I won’t be mad, Joseph. You know that.”

Smiling, she backed away towards the other figures that still stood in place. Once Joseph wasn’t able to see her anymore, and Faith disappeared once she reached the other two silhouettes, it was John who slowly approached him now, his youngest brother clearly avoiding his sight.

“Lust. You know _why_ I decided to carve this exact sin on his skin?” he spoke and Joseph stared at John, and the Father actually wanted for his brother to look him into his eyes, especially now while John intended to tell him the truth of why he actually did it. Joseph from the very beginning was mad with how John treated the Deputy so he desired for his brother to act more mature. “I didn’t do it because of him, Joseph. I did it because of _you.”_

John, once close enough to his older brother, finally looked up at him to show him his face, with disgust being written on it and something that Joseph never thought that his little brother could ever feel towards him.

Disappointment.

“I thought you were better than this, brother. Trust me, I never touched him like… _like this._ Like _you_ do. _”_ John tried to do a motion to indicate what Joseph had done to Benjamin all that time in the bunker, but he wasーgladlyーunable to properly show it with any gesture. Instead, he started to back away as Faith did, stopping mid-track and pointing at the gun in Joseph's hand. “Oh, right. I almost forgotーdo use that gun, Joseph. Nobody will be mad if you do, truly.”

He disappeared and finally the last figure known to Joseph approached him. Their oldest brother, the one who Joseph always admired and the one who never truly feared Joseph. He had his knife in his hand, playing with it as he watched Joseph carefully, not even once blinking.

“There was a time when I believed that you were the strongest of all of us,” Jacob spoke up, stopping a few steps away from Joseph, somewhat ignoring his presence by suddenly completely avoiding Joseph’s eyes the moment his voice sounded. “You… _the abused one_ , the one who had his mission to fulfill and to find all of us, bringing us here to prepare your children for the collapse.”

Jacob moved towards Joseph to harshly grab him by his chin, again giving him full attention with his eyes piercing into Joseph's own. “And you were right all along, God’s word being the only truth from the beginning till the very end.” He watched his younger brother carefully, trying to find something in his eyes he knew that was there. He smiled with madness in his own eyes, finding it being hidden in there, and its presence revealed itself the moment Jacob snapped at Joseph.

Weakness.

“You showed us all that you are our Father, Joseph. But did it ever come to your mind that for some reason you became _weak_?” Joseph closed his eyes, unable to hold the stare of his older brother.

Jacob laughed and let Joseph go, turning with his back to his younger brother as he threw the knife up just to catch it later. “The Deputyー _Benjamin_ , yeah? He is stronger than you will ever be, little brother.” He stopped to play with the knife just to place it in his hand in a way that left an unnerving feeling in Joseph's mind. It also got to Joseph how changeable Jacob was… something that was very unusual when it came to his older brother.

The oldest Seed turned once again to now face Joseph with the knife pointed directly at the Father. Jacob slowly started to approach him and once he was so close that Joseph could feel his breath on his own face, he spoke up. “And do you remember what we do to the weak?” Jacob aimed the knife and Joseph whined, trying to protect himself from the impact and the blade.

But all Joseph felt was the ground he hit by waking up so harshly that he fell from the bed. The gun somehow fell out of his holster from his pants that lied beside him and slid on the floor towards the corridor. He got himself up quickly, sitting right beside his bed and trying to calm his breath from the unnerving feeling the nightmare left.

Bringing his knees closer to his own body he tried to understand what did his siblings mean by all what they told him in his dream. God, he even tried to comprehend the fact how it was possible for the dream to feel so real, for his siblings to act so vividly as if they truly were alive. It felt as if they really were talking to him, with John even telling him the truth behind that scar he had left on Benjamin’s skin.

 _But was it true?_ Maybe it was just Joseph's imagination that suddenly happened to be making jokes on him.

He had no idea what all of it meant, but he also suddenly noticed there was still the gun patiently lying on the ground, waiting to be picked up.

Getting up to dress his pants and to reclaim the weapon, he remembered how Faith offered him a flower that turned into this very gun, even telling him her best knowledge about its usageーa weapon never should be used. But she also exclaimed that she wouldn’t be mad if he did, and so did John. But he had no idea what they meant by that or if any of it was actually real. The only thing that was coming to his mind was to shoot Benjamin to give him the mercy the man desired and deserved, but was it truly what God and his siblings would _ever_ want him to do?

After picking up the weapon he undid the holster, hiding the gun there but putting it away on one of the shelves in this particular room. He decided not to carry it with himself anymore because something was telling him the next time Benjamin was about to use it it won’t be against Joseph.

Joseph found an opened bottle of water and he drank it whole in almost one single gulp. He threw the bottle away, walking through the half-dark corridor towards the place where all the stored food and water was located. After finding a big, empty box he packed a lot of eatables into it, counting that if one would ration it, it would all last for a monthーif not more if someone wasn’t that needy.

Later he walked with the box in his hands towards Benjamin’s room that was located not that far from his own. He lay it on the ground and touched the door, the only barrier standing between him and Ben, and he leaned over it to listen. While not hearing anything, he understood that the other man must have fallen asleep.

Hours must have passed before he dared to find the key that would open the door. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but once he opened it he still heard and saw Benjamin move towards the farthest edge of the room, whining and begging Joseph to leave him in peace. Cursing under his breath at himself, the Father still stepped into the known room filled with only fear and pain.

Joseph sensed it, knowing well how scared Ben must have become after he entered this room at a time when Joseph never ever did. He was always quite regular, for the first time stepping in during the time of the day that was meant for both of them to sleep, surprising Ben by that, and scaring him to the core.

The Father tried hard to calm himself down, suddenly finding it hard to even speak up properly. He pushed the box inside, the bottles and food inside making a loud thud that made Ben almost jump, and Joseph was not even daring to glance in Ben’s direction.

“It was the last time I did it to you, I promise you that.” He paused, breathing in and finally daring to look at the scared figure being hidden in the corner. “Forgive me, Benjamin.”

He left the room, locking the door afterward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! See you at the next chapter!


	5. Sloth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benjamin has to deal with the new environment which happened to be Josephーless, and Joseph, well, he has to deal with his own, guilty, and sinful self.

Benjamin woke up from just another dreamless night. Having no clue of what time of the day it was, he always assumed it was night whenever he was tired enough to go and sleep. His days weren’t really interesting anywayーhe was waking up, grabbing some food from the box Joseph left himーof course including nothing tasty and nothing that could be properly prepared, but he had somehow managed to survive anywayーto later live just another boring day in this small and gloomy room where he could do less than nothing till he again fell asleep. 

Since Joseph stopped visiting him, he had no idea how much time passed at all. There was no way for him to count the time anymore, nor was heーsadlyーable to take a proper shower like Joseph was always allowing him to take. He tried to shower just once, using the bottled water the Father had left him, further deciding that the water needed to be spared for later, and he already counted that there is not much of it left for him to be that crazy.

He was still lying on the bed as he felt that he actually, in a quite horrendous way, _missed_ the other man’s visits. Ben didn’t obviously miss the fact that Joseph had been coming here to rape him, he was more missing the fact of someone else’s _presence_ , some human-to-human interactions, even though plain and simple. He just… wanted in here someone to talk to. Or just someone to be here with him.

The loneliness was sometimes scary and he was finding himself sitting by the door that was blocking him from both freedom and humanity. And the only humanity down here in this bunker was Joseph Seed, the man he truly hated and didn’t want to have anything in common with. But his other side was crying for the Father’s presence, just for him to open that damn door and to let him shower. Or to at least tell him something, _anything_.

The need to interact was so big that he found himself sometimes speaking with his own self. He was telling himself stories from when he was younger, or when he and Staci Pratt had been pranking their other friends at their job a couple of weeks ago. Those were good times he was never going to forget, but the fact that Staci was probably long dead was what was always making him again silent, Ben was every time realizing that he was daydreaming in the bunker hidden deep underground from whatever the hell happened to the world.

Benjamin sighed and moved to the side, turning to face the metallic door that was barely a few steps away from his bed. How _low_ did he fall thatーfirstーhe was able to kiss the other man hard on his lips only to steal his gun and to try to escape, failing miserably, but finally earning some sort of peace. Secondly, to fall even lower by wishing for Joseph to open that damn door andーBen almost laughedーfor him to say even the most simple thing, like what day or hour it was. 

But did Joseph alone had any idea of what day or time it was? Benjamin had no clue even of that, but he hoped the man had some senses left and that he wrote down the time, or that he was carrying a simple but working watch together with him. Joseph used to visit him quite regularlyーat least this is what Benjamin truly hoped and believed.

Dark thoughts were not leaving Ben even for a slight second. There were nights when he couldn’t sleep at all or when he had such terrifying nightmares that they were making him scream during his sleep, and Ben was waking up all sweaty and shaky. He hated those nights deeply and those dreams were always leaving many negative thoughts in him during the day.

His first and quite repetitive nightmare was about Joseph dying on the other side of the door. 

Ben was once truly hoping for the other man to die, or for him to grab Joseph’s gun and to kill him, but right now Ben feared Joseph’s death. He knew that he was living here on the Father’s mercy and that his death would mean Ben’s death as well since Joseph was the one holding the key to this very room where Ben was forced to stay.

It was scaring him to the point that he was sometimes eavesdropping on the door to hear if there was still someoneーJoseph of courseーwalking or doing things loud enough for Ben to hear them. And whenever Benjamin heard something, he was sighing in relief and heading back to his bed.

Benjamin was often cursing himself for who he had become. In a sick way he started to care for the other man’s well-being, but it wasn’t for the sake of Joseph, but for his narcissistic, utter own sake. He would keep him alive as long as needed only to save his own assーthis also being exactly what Joseph kept doing to him, so whenever Ben felt bad about using Joseph for his own sick needs, he kept reminding himself about what the Father used to do to him, and it always helped, and eased his blame.

There were also days and nights when he too well remembered Joseph’s sick touch and the pain he felt whenever the other man was entering this gloomy room of his. It was so traumatizing that Benjamin was losing himself, somehow hearing the key turn in the keyhole so he was hiding under bed sheets or lying by the wall as far as possible from the door. He was often crying and yelling in fear whenever he had those flashbacks of Joseph raping him to unconsciousness, hugging himself and begging for God to show him mercy.

And, surprisingly, God in a way did show him mercy by not letting Joseph in not even a single time.

But was God truly the one who was stopping Joseph from entering this room? Ben had no clue, and he was both angry and thankful that Joseph left him in peace to breathe, and for him to try to recover. But he wished that Joseph did let him go though, he wished that the other man released him and opened the exit door of this damn bunker so that they both could leave and forget everything that had happened down here. But no such thing seemed to happen any time soon, especially not so soon after all the shit that had happened in the outside world.

Benjamin groaned and sat up on the bed, hearing his growling stomach that clearly demanded food. He shouldn’t eat yet because it was still too soon for him to eat, but sadly the food he was given wasn’t healthy enough for him to feel strength or fullness, especially because he had to control how much and often he eats. God, but he would die just to eat some freshly cooked meat right now.

But these were just dreams he knew that never would come true as long as he was trapped down here. He just hoped that Joseph would visit him again to give him more food and water once his stock was empty because Ben truly was scared of what would happen if the Father didn’t.

There was also a time when he thought about knocking on the door and to scream to Joseph that he was starving in there, having nothing to fill his stomach with anymore, but if the Father opened the door only to see that Ben was lying to him _only_ to get his attentionーGod knows what would happen next, though Ben somewhat felt and hoped that this time it wouldn’t end as it usually had.

Another thing for Benjamin was to play someone so scared and sick of this bunker that he would bang on the door with begs for Joseph to simply let him go because this tiny place started to drive him crazy, but there still was a possibility Joseph would ignore his pleas like he usually had when Benjamin was having his breakdowns.

Well, but he could always try and see how Joseph reacts.

Standing up, he covered his genitals with the thin, dark-red blanket, and he walked towards the door. He was holding the cloth with one hand while the other reached towards the metal frame of the door, tracing it down, wanting now more than ever for Joseph to just come in.

Benjamin didn’t desire to see Joseph, but… at the same time he did. It was a sick desire that was disgusting to him, but on the other side, he understood what he, his will, and his primal needs truly demanded. He wanted to feel safe and to have a proper comfort of his life, and by that he meant provided supplies and someone to talk to, and the only one to give him both was, surprisingly, Joseph.

It was almost funny to him how the man he hated more than anything in the world was also the man he desired now the most.

Sighing, he touched the handle but he didn’t dare just yet to pull it down. He stared at it, the adrenaline rush made his heart race a little bit because the excitement that maybe it may open got quite big, filling up his whole body and even making it hard for him to breathe. But once he moved it down and pulled the door… nothing happened.

Benjamin cursed loudly, almost hoping for the other man to hear that. He immediately went silent, listening for any signs of Joseph moving or even saying something back, but sadly nothing could be heard. Cursing again, this time silently, he went back to the bed as he tried to stop the tears of helplessness from falling down.

But what Ben didn’t know was how close Joseph was to him when he touched and pulled that door handle.  

One thing was what was happening in Benjamin’s room, and the other, totally different thing, was what was happening in the rest of the bunker. And it was far from what Joseph imagined he would ever feel in his whole life.

When he saw the door handle move he actually wanted to quickly put the key into the keyhole to help Benjamin in his struggle. But his consciousness was telling him that this certain move of his would cause Ben to panic and Joseph was sure that it wouldn’t end up in a positive way at all. It was still too soon, Ben probably yet not recovered from whatever Joseph used to do to him. If he ever would recover from that madness that Joseph had caused.  

He still did approach the door, touching it, and a shiver went through all of his body as he heard Benjamin’s curse from behind the metal. What he desired the most right now was to enter that horrific room that was one of the causes of Benjamin’s hate towards him. He knew that very well - he knew that there was no other way for Ben than to hate Joseph with all of his heart and soul.

And Joseph hated himself as well.

Turning around, he leaned with his back on the door and slid down till he sat on the ground, as he kept doing over and over again whenever he was close to going into that room. Closing his eyes, he tried to recover his memory of Benjamin's faceーbut not the one he was so used to see, the scared, horrified one, no. He tried to grab out of his mind the times when Benjamin had shown Joseph how strong he was and how much power he was actually wielding.

Wasn’t that the man that killed his siblings and so many of his children?

There was a fight going on in Joseph’s mind, a fight between the good and the bad, with nobody being close to winning or losing... He kept repeating to himself that whatever he did to Benjamin down here _wasn’t_ wrong. It was… expected, mostly by his siblings. He had to avenge them and his children in a way, especially knowing that the Deputy himself killed them with his own hands, showing his children no mercy.

But wasn’t it _too much_? Didn’t he go too far in his judgment? God said that it had to be done, that this would bring him the redemption he needs, that this shall open the gates of Eden for _every_ child of his, redeem every sinner, and bring peace to the new world that shall arise from ashes, and thus Joseph believed in every word of his.

And now God had abandoned him, Joseph was left alone, feeling empty, as if all of his life forces were drained, _gone_. He begged God to at least tell him that Joseph was not lonely, that he was still here whenever he needed him or his aid and guidance, but nobody _ever_ responded to his calls.

Joseph had lost his hopes that someone would ever do.  

He avenged his siblings, he felt that what he did to Benjamin was enough for his sister, brothers and all of his children to find their peace under God's wings. Joseph believed that it was enough even for himself to find his own peace and earn his promised redemption. But instead, his family was visiting him in his dreams over and over again, telling him the same distressing words. His need to scream in frustration was huge whenever those dreams kept repeating as if it was Jacob’s little game, his older brother fooling him to play it too.  

But wasn’t Joseph strong? He often woke up repeating to himself that yes, he _is_ strong. He is _the Father,_ he had had to be strong enough to save all of his children to lead them to Eden’s Gate… And here Jacob already told him more than a thousand of times that he was weak, while earlier he had used to call him the strongest of them all. 

Joseph desired to know what all of that meant. What those dreams meant and what the sheer absence of the Voice in his mind meant. He didn’t want to believe it was because he stopped hurting Ben, but all of this truly happened right after that. He didn’t want to rape Benjamin ever again, even promising his captive that this will never repeat.

He sat on the floor and noticed that his hands were shaking.

What was happening to him?

 _Benjamin._  

 _Oh, God... he is panicking once again_ , was all Joseph thought when he leaned in closer to the door suddenly hearing muffled cries from behind it. He wanted to assure the other man that he was not alone in here, that he had not left him, that he was here, right behind that door… but would that even help in any way? His whole presence was what made Benjamin be in this stance and not in another so he couldn’t expect for his voice to calm the other man even for a bit. On the contrary, Joseph for sure would deepen his panic attack.

God, what has he even done to another human being? He tortured him in a way he actually had never tortured anyone else. The Father was capable to do many things to other victims of his, not caring if they begged him, cried for help or simply died during his torture sessions. _Everything_ for the name of his family and God was easy.

And raping Benjamin seemed easy as well. So _what_ went wrong?

Joseph exactly knew what it was that made him feel whatever he was feeling right now, but he wasn’t able to say it out loud, nor even say it silently in his mind. It was what he had dreamed of during the nights when his siblings weren’t haunting him, it was what he remembered so vividly, and what he wanted to feel once again so badly…

He had found himself all tensed and he shook his head forcefully, trying to make the memories go away. It was _wrong_ for him to remember that moment while the cause of why Benjamin did that was so horrific. Ben didn’t do it because he wanted to, he did it because he desired to escape.

That _kiss_ wasn’t real, but it seemed so vivid that Joseph had lost his senses, God and his Voice had been disappearing from his head thus making him feel no more lust.  

The muffled cries started to be less and less audible, suddenly any hearable trace of them disappeared. He sighed, hoping that the other man fell asleep as he usually had after his panic attacks. Joseph silently mouthed Ben’s name, almost surprised to find himself do that, and he was just about to get up to wander off to the bathroom when he heard someone say out loud his own name.

It was so random and sudden that he froze, listening carefully as if unsure if he truly heard it, believing that it must have been just his stupid imagination.

“Joseph...” Benjamin’s voice was harsh after the cries, but he still tried his best to call out the other man. Joseph upon hearing it again tensed, breathing out loudly. It wasn’t only because Ben just said something to him from behind the door and it felt as if he was _here,_ not _there._ It was also because of the fact that it was the first time that Benjamin called him by his name.

 _Joseph_.

The sensation of hearing his own name being said by the other man was so strange but at the same time so comforting that he dared to decide that it was time to reply, but right before he had opened his mouth he heard the other man speak again.

“Please… Oh, God, _please_ , open that door and let me go…” It seemed as if Ben still had his panic attack, begging Joseph to fulfill his desire. And Joseph never felt as bad as he did right now, his heart in pain as he heard more from Ben. “ _I beg you_ … I… I am starving here, barely holding it with… with the food that’s left. And IーOh, _God._..”

It was like a move of a magic wand that made Joseph think about what Ben had just said. _He was starving,_  Joseph was repeating in his head and it couldn’t be a lie since Joseph truly didn't leave him a lot of food, and quite a lot of time had passed. He shifted, half kneeling right now with his hands on the door as if trying to reach towards the other man, and his lips were nearly touching the door. 

“I’m here, Benjamin,” He exhaled, his mouth suddenly completely dry. He was scared that the other man would fear his voice and refuse to cooperate with him, especially after Joseph replied to him so quickly. And _so close_ to him.  

The long and unnerving silence that fell upon them both after Joseph let Ben know about his presence made the Father feel how the other man’s fear started to grow with every second of it.

“Please… _pー_ _please_ , don’t hurt me… IーI just want to go.” Benjamin eventually decided to reply, his voice was all shaky. “IーI just wanna go home…”

The Father had no idea of what he should do now. Opening that door that stood between them still wasn’t an option, but he couldn’t let Ben starve there in this horrendous room of his to death, _that_ wasn’t an option either. But he had an idea of what he could do though, and he hoped that Benjamin would cooperate with him and that he would trust him enough to do what he said.

He got up, as silently as possible, and calmly spoke to Benjamin. “I can’tー _we_ can't leave this bunker yet, you must be aware of that, Benjamin, but… I can deliver you more food.” He clearly assumed that Ben meant the outside world by saying that he wants to go.

Waiting for an answer, he tried to be as silent as possible not to accidentally miss the other man speak to him. He quickly walked towards the room filled with supplies, again preparing as many cans and jars with food as possible. He prepared water too, throwing all the supplies in a box as fast as possible, nearly hearing Benjamin talk again when he came back, but he didn’t move the supply box yet.

“Oーokay… okay… _no_. Nーno, please no, just… _leave it be_ … IーI will handle it…” Joseph’s heart stirred a little when he heard Benjamin stutter while trying to form a proper sentence. It clearly sounded as if Ben wanted to let him in, but his other, reasonable side was screaming to him that Joseph entering this room meant only pain. But Joseph well remembered that there were moments when his entrances didn’t mean _only_ pain, they also meant some sort of relief.

“Do you wish to shower?” Joseph quickly asked, not allowing for Benjamin to try to speak more. “I… I will open the door so that you can walk there on your own. When you return, you will have something to eat… and… and _I promise_ , you won’t see me as long as you don't wander around the bunker, Benjamin.”

 _What was he even trying to achieve?_ Joseph alone had no idea what he was trying to do with all that, but he hoped that the other man would agree to his simple terms so that he doesn't hurt himself by accident. And, by all means, he didn’t want for Benjamin to starve to death in this bunker.

There was a long and unnerving silence coming from behind that damn door, but he tried to be patient, hearing even his own stomach that clearly demanded food as well. He could hear Ben shift a little from behind that door, he even heard some muffled and inaudible words the other man undoubtedly spoke, clearly to himself. But he waited, and he cursed himself furthermore.

“You… you will do _this_ anyway… whether now or later...” Joseph finally heard Ben’s shaky and more perceptible voice, though still quite muffled, even as if coming from the farthest end of his room. “Open the door.” Much louder now, but still quite faint, Ben spoke the words Joseph wanted to hear.

The Father sighed in relief, but God, was he hating his own self dearly for breaking this man to the point that he would rather starve to death than let Joseph in. He was glad that Ben did show a tiny bit of trust towards him though, but was this truly trust if Ben _knew_ that Joseph would one day or another come again to rape him?

Joseph approached the door, touching its frame gently before putting the key in the keyhole to unlock the door. He then walked away to his room, trying his best to stay away from Ben’s eyes to give him some comfort as the door slightly opened.

The other man was hidden beside his bed, waiting for Joseph to step into his room to use him. But when nobody entered after a few long and silent minutes, he curiously got up to peek from behind his spot. What he sawーor what he didn’t actually got to seeーsurprised him, but at the same time he got extremely cautious about the whole quite suspicious situation. There was _nobody_ to be seen in the corridor, and all the other doors seemed closed. Not locked, just simply closed. But it was enough for Benjamin to feel more comfortable with the new environment and circumstances.  

 _No_. The voice of reason yelling at him, telling him that moving out of his room would happen to be a huge mistake. He could feel in his guts that he would be going to pay for this, but the curiosity was way stronger than his reasonable mind, so in the end he stood up.

Taking a deep breath, Ben took a small and unsure step towards the door, tightly holding onto the covers that were wrapped around his body. Step after step, he was approaching the door to leave his only safe spot, and Ben could feel both fear and intrigue at the same time slowly building up in him as he walked. Once he crossed the border, he looked around to see if the other man wasn’t hidden there somewhere, only to find an empty corridor with everything being completely silent.

Benjamin was slowly moving towards the bathroom and towards the place he remembered also being the safest spot for him down here in this bunker. Also, it was the place where the last door between Joseph’s madness and his freedom was standing.

Once he reached the last room, he didn’t even glance at the two showers waiting there to be used, he was looking at that certain door that would let him escape this place, if only opened. Ben glanced behind himself, afraid Joseph might stand there, but _nobody_ was there, the whole place seemed to be completely empty.

He loudly breathed again, walking towards this damn thing he couldn't put his eyes off. He traced the material of which the door was made, a clearly thick metal, and finally, he gently touched the handle. Pushing it down, he almost yelled.

_Of course it was closed._

Benjamin jumped away, hearing a barely audible sound coming from the corridor of a door opening. His whole body tensed as he heard it quite close, but the curiosity once again hit him when after a long while of him standing and not moving he heard _another_ door open and close afterwards. Waiting a few agonizingly long minutes still made no man appear in this room, so he again tried to work on that handle, even though he feared Joseph would surprise him from behind. 

Cursing, he started to look around, hoping to find anything useful that would help him quietly open that damn door, only to find _nothing_. Ben felt incredibly helpless having the chance to escape but also having _no way_ to actually do it, but he couldn’t just give up.

But what else could he do? Trying to ram that door using only the force of his own body for sure wouldn’t end wellーit clearly was thick, it also would be quite loud and the other man obviously would hear him trying to escape.

Ben sighed, feeling massively powerless with the whole situation with no way out. But at least he finally had the chance to shower a little, and…

 _God_ , as much as he doesn't want to see the other man because his face Ben only associated with pain, he truly wanted to talk to him more, but… _only_ from behind a doorーlike they did before Ben had left his roomーfrom a closed and a locked door, also, with Benjamin wielding the key and the power to open and to close it.

Benjamin just craved for interaction with another human, that was all he desired. And the only one that could give him that was Joseph Seed himself.

He hated the simple thought of wanting anything from that horrendous man, but it was true. He had his needs and one of those was a huge need to just hang out with another human being. And since the only human being that was down hereーprobably the only living human in the proximity of hundred of milesーwas Joseph, so he really had no other choice than to desire his attention.

Walking under one of the showers, he left the red covers on the ground nearby, afraid the other man might interrupt his shower time so that he would need to grab it in time. He breathed loudly, touching and rotating the device so that the forever-cold water could flow. Closing his eyes, he let the liquid wet his whole body, and Ben put his hands in his now really long black curls. He wished to cut them because most of the hair was unpleasantly unfriendly with how it kept covering his eyes. His beard was also long, itchy, and he hoped the other man would let him finally shave.

Somehow.

Joseph used to come to shave him sometimes. He once also visited him to cut his curls a bit, surprising Ben with that activity to the core, but this, even though it looked quite innocent, wasn’t a safe time for Ben at all. The Seed cut his hair to later tell him he looks pretty enough for Joseph to make an excess of his daily routine, but the sheer fact how gently and slowly Joseph worked on his hair was in a way religious to Ben.

He shook his head cursing himself for even _thinking_ that.

Ben found the soap and he worked with it on his skin, making sure to carefully wash every spot because he couldn’t remember the last time he showered, not to say that he wasn’t sure when would be the next time Joseph would let him shower again. When he went with his hands down to also wash his sore member, it immediately hardened at the touch. He looked down, actually stepping away a little from the falling water.

Surprised, he had found himself _wanting_ to ease himself, to release all the tension that was holding up in him for the past few daysーif not weeks.

It was when it got to him that he actually never had the chance to masturbate during his whole time down here. There had been no need for that before since all the work had been in Joseph’s unholy hands, but right now it seemed almost comical he felt the need to work on himself like _that._ It got him to think that it must have been quite a lot of time since the last time Joseph had sex with him. It almost seemed as if heー

 _God, no._ This was ridiculous.

His right hand started to work on his dick while with the other he used to help himself and lean on the nearby wall. To his mind got the unnerving and awful feeling that his body truly _missed_ the other man fucking him and driving him into the pleasure he always in a horrendous way had to feel. He _hated_ what Joseph was doing to him, he hated it, feared and found it disgusting. But his body thought otherwise.

_His body craved more._

“Fuck.” Ben came hard, the sperm falling on the ground where the shower drain was placed. “ _Fuck_.” He cursed again, realizing that the whole time he had been giving himself pleasure he had been thinking about _Joseph_. He went under the shower again, trying to forcefully wash away all the dirt and sin he again felt on the whole body of his.

But _God,_ he would never be able to wash away the dirt that sat like a parasite in his mind.

He disgusted himself, he found it sickening that he even dared to think about Joseph once again stepping into his room only to rape him… but could it be even called rape if Ben, by all means, _craved_ for Joseph to fuck him?

Benjamin shook his head and stepped from under the shower to realize he had brought no towel. Joseph had also left him nothing in here so he grabbed the covers he had used earlier and wrapped himself with them. He tried with all of his mind and heart to forget about anything around Joseph before he left the bathroom.

He already was low enough, he couldn’t allow for himself to fall any lower.

He stepped outside the bathroom and out of sudden remembered about the scar of his that Joseph's brother had granted him with. John truly was right about that. His biggest and most awful sin was not what Ben thought it was, it was _lust_. Ben hated everything about Joseph, but _God_ , the Father was the only one that would give him the release he desired now the most.  

He cursed, again. _How could he be so weak?_ He repeated this question in his head till he wandered back to his room where he stopped as if struck by a lightning.

The interior looked totally different. Ben even glanced behind himself to make sure he stepped into the right room, but he was quite certain that it were _his_ four walls.

Inside of it, he noticed new andーmost importantlyーclean sheets placed on his bed together with way more pillows than earlier. On the small table beside his bed a plate filled with food was waiting for himーnothing special and extraordinary, but his stomach would find it good enough to be called delicious. His stocks of food and water were full again, and right next to the plate he even found a small knifeーclearly put there so that Benjamin could later cut his hair and shave.  

There was also a letter.

Benjamin was stocked, so stocked that he didn’t at all hear the door behind him close. He jumped and turned around in fear to find the metal door almost on his nose, with the key already turning in the keyhole. Joseph had locked him, _again_ , and the realization of that made him both angry and relieved.

“Wait, _Joseph_ , wait a second.” Ben was unsure if the other man was still there since the sounds the key was making were already gone, but he tried to call out the Father anyway, even though he felt quite unsure. “Please, just… fucking _stay_ here by the door for a second.” Ben sounded almost desperate in his calls because he _truly_ just wanted to talk.

“What is it, Benjamin?” Joseph’s voice was almost like a cure to him. He heard him earlier this day, but right now he felt as if this had happened _years_ ago, not barely minutes ago as it really had.

Joseph on his own was not that surprised that the other man decided to call after him. But what truly did surprise him was the fact that Ben _begged_ him to stay. It stirred his heart to the point that he barely could speak up at all, parting his lips to try and sound, but no voice left his mouth. He had to breathe a few times before being able to speak.  

“I justーI want to talk with you.” Benjamin’s voice seemed… _how did it even seem?_ Joseph alone couldn't tell, but it sounded so serene and so honest that the Father calmed down a little, hoping for the other man to continue, and so Ben did, stuttering a little. “IーFuck, I am going crazy, I think. It’s… It’s because I’m alone in here.”

Joseph looked down at his hand that was still wielding the key. He could open that door at any given moment and just simply _talk_ with Benjamin, eye to eye. But _no_ , that would be too much for the both of them and only God knows where this conversationーor them just standing in front of each otherーwould lead them.

Joseph’s palm closed around the cold, golden key, and he tried to sound as calm as possible, though it was incredibly hard for him to stay sane from how many emotions he felt at once. “I suffer from loneliness too, but we both know what will happen when I enter your room.”

Benjamin stared at the place where he imagined Joseph’s eyes would probably be, but he couldn't understand what Joseph truly meant by that. Did he mean Joseph going back to his daily routine and raping Ben the moment he would see him? This was the first thought that mercilessly attacked his mind, _but no_ , Joseph had promised him that he would never do it to him _ever_ again. But was this promise _worth_ anything? He couldn’t tell, but he wanted to believe it only to feel a little better.

The other thing wasー _right_. Benjamin’s trauma. Even though Ben felt quite confident right now talking to Joseph with this thick, metallic door between them, he knew that the moment he would hear the key turn in the keyhole he would find himself trying to hide behind his bed, begging for Joseph to let him be.

There was no way for them to meet in the same room with nothing standing between them, not as long as Ben was having a panic attack every time Joseph was around.

“Then… don’t enter. Just _stay_ here, by the door.” Ben responded after a quite long pause that fell between the both of them, and he started to be afraid that Joseph might leave if he doesn’t reply. “ _Please_ , Iー”

“ _No_. Not now.” Joseph didn’t even let him finish the sentence, answering to a question Benjamin didn’t ask, Joseph was acting as if he didn’t hear him say that they could talk from behind this door. But Joseph simply couldn’t stand it, he was afraid that this simple talk would make him weak enough to open this door and to ruin the trust he slowly started to gain.

“One day,” he quickly added.

Benjamin wanted to yell at him but Joseph was _right_. Ben feared him, he feared the Father’s sheer presence and his own body reacted on its own whenever the other man was about to open that damn metallic door he was just staring at right now. It all had to be done in slow, even lazy stepsーBen assumed Joseph was trying to achieve all that thanks to the things he had done till now. But how long would it take once they could finally at least _talk_ to each other? This didn’t depend on Joseph, but on _Ben_ , because it was him who was going to know best when he believed he finally stopped fearing the Father.

“Benjamin?” Hearing his own name out of sudden made Ben almost jump, and he could feel all of his guts twitch in a weird form of happiness, but also fear, that Joseph was still _here_. He wanted to answer, but Joseph continued before he could think of any reply which meant the Father clearly believed that Ben was still close to the door, able to hear his voice. “Read that letter I have left for you, please.”

With that, Ben went over to the table and lifted up the paper filled with many, many words. He stepped closer to his bed and laid himself down to make himself comfortable, not caring about the fact he was still quite wet after the shower. Adjusting the pillows underneath his head, he started to read.

Once done, he crushed the paper, throwing it away and he cried into those pillows tears of pure anger, madness, and sorrow. There were only _three_ words from that damn letter that kept repeating in his head until he finally fell asleep from tiredness.

_I was wrong._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~!


	6. Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joseph Seed is trying to deal with his own emotions and sins.

Joseph Seed was not the man he had been at the beginning of his own journey anymore. He had gone through a lot during his long life experiencing pain even while still being a little and innocent kid, going through the most awful shit while trying to find his siblings when they had been parted, in the end, God had given him the weight of carrying his children to Eden’s Gate.

Even though it might have sounded simple, it wasn’t an easy task to accomplish for any of the Heralds, especially not for the Father. He trusted God and his voice with all of his heart, following and fulfilling his will at any given moment. Joseph was doing everything to please God, everything for him to save his children from the collapse, to guide them to Eden’s Gate where they would be all safe.

But _none_ of this was easy. He didn’t truly want to do anything from what he had done in his life, he didn’t choose this life, neither did he chose to become the Leader of the now well-known cult with the name of Project at Eden’s Gate. It wasn’t his choice, it was _God_ who had chosen him, picking him as the one who was strong enough to lead everyone to the Bliss.

And Joseph did try his very best. Though by doing that, he was forced to do things he never believed he could and would do. Doing them for God’s name, he grew stronger and stronger, willing to do more, also becoming less afraid to deal with insubordination. He tortured, killed, forced. All for God, all for his children, and all for his siblings.

Right now he was sitting on the edge of his bed wondering when had he gone the wrong way in his journey, for he felt as if all he had achieved was plain _wrong._ God’s disappearance somehow made his mind more clear, with him seeing all the things he was able to do just because God had told him to. He felt horrible, at the same time feeling as if all he did had been wanted, as if all he had ever done was _good_.

His mind was in the middle of a war, with none of the sides winning or losing. One side was telling him that whatever shit he had done to everyone who he had thought deserved it had been positive, while the other side of his mind was yelling at him for being the worst person alive.

And both were right in a way.

Joseph _had_ to do it. He didn't want to, but he had to. He was repeating this to himself as if trying to convince his own mind that he wasn’t an evil person as he right now thought that he was. But his senses very well knew how crazy he actually was, Joseph never questioned God's will even though sometimes it sounded immorally in the back of his mind. Other than that, he still had his own sins to deal with, one of them being his _greedy_ self filled with a lot of _lust_ that demanded Benjamin’s body every time he used to enter the other man’s room.

“What did you do to me?” The question filled the silent and gloomy room of Joseph’s as the man was looking up at the ceiling and hoping for God to reappear in his head, to tell him something assuring and to guide him once again. But nobody came or replied to his simple question.

He truly had no idea at all whom did he ask this question since it could be both aimed at God or at Benjamin, and the moment he mouthed it, he truly couldn’t tell. Ben was the one who actually started the big and never-ending war that was taking place in Joseph’s head, and he was so done with it that he wished for this madness to end.

Wishing for his thoughts to stop, filling his mind up with questions he alone never would be able to answer, he thought about sleep. But sleeping wasn’t a good option either since his siblings kept appearing in his dreams. This wouldn't be a bad thing to do if only his sister and brothers weren't who they had become, haunting him over and over again.

Still, he decided to lay down and for the dreams to consume his mind and soul.

* * *

 

Joseph Seed felt and saw nothing. He could only hear his own steady breath, but the silence became so thick that at some point he started to hear how his heart worked, making the blood flow in his veins, all of his insides were making sounds and all of this was driving him _insane_. But the worst was that he couldn’t move at all, he couldn’t do _anything_ at all.

But suddenly he sighed in relief as he heard someone approach him.

“Well, Joseph, how are we today?  _Tired_ , maybe?” John took a few steps towards him, leaning in to whisper into his ear, with his voice low. “Too bad there’s no chance for you to get a moment of peace _at all_.”

The Baptist was circling now the tangled up Joseph on a chair, with his older brother’s eyes covered. “Tell me, _Father_ , how great would you feel if someone came now to use you in a particular and _very well known_ to you way, huh?” In the same moment, as he spoke, many hands appeared out of nowhere to touch Joseph’s cold, and naked skin.

“John, _please_.” Joseph silently begged his brother, but in return, he only heard a laugh coming from the Baptist's mouth. Joseph was whimpering, soft pleas were leaving his mouth as he was not able to stand all the touches. And those hands belonging to _God knows who_ weren’t especially gentle with him. “Please, tell them to _stop."_

His younger brother approached him and pushed Joseph back. All the hands and the chair, even John, all of it disappeared in a split of a second as Joseph forcefully hit the cold but calm water. Though the ropes on both his legs and hands stayed as he felt and saw the water all around him, and the endless darkness was creeping beneath him as he started to fight for air.

Joseph started to wriggle as he tried to release himself from the trap that kept holding him underwater, panic completely overwhelmed him once he barely could see any light coming from the surface.

Releasing first his arms, then his legs, he was as fast as possible trying to swim up, his instinct and giant need to take a breath nearly broke him in half. As he reached the desired surfaceーthough it felt as if ages had passed before he did itーhe gasped for air, coughing out water that managed to get into lungs while he tried to stay afloat.

Once calmed enough, Joseph found himself kneeling on an island in the middle of this endless ocean. He looked up into the sky, and he hoped for God to hear his pleas and to save him from this ridiculous trap, just like he believed that God had released him from the deadly hold underwater.

And his rescueーas he trustedーcame in the form of his beautiful Faith.

She was always so delicate, so calming and so eerie that she was giving shivers to Joseph’s spine. There was _something_ about how she movedーnearly as if lightly flying above the groundーthat made Joseph feel so _quiet_ , feeling safe and sound as if finally reaching the last part of his journey and for God to finally embrace him.

Smiling, she took his hands into hers, smaller ones, forcing him to go around with her in a weird form of dance. He gladly followed her steps though, glaring at her modest, gentle face, but it came to him that she clearly avoided his eyes, looking everywhere but at him. Wondering why, he dared to ask her about this matter, getting only a soft chuckle as a response.  

Faith let go of him, the feeling of loneliness almost immediately reached the Father, and she twirled around to stop abruptly in front of him. Finally, she locked her eyes with his. "Do you know what you did? Are you aware of the consequences of all of your actions you decided to take in your life?” Her delicate voice sounded in the air, and Joseph was savoring its subtle tone.

But he couldn’t answer her questions.

Faith giggled, knowing well in what Joseph believed, knowing well what was going on in his head, and no bunker would help him escape from the ongoing war that was taking part in his mind. She gracefully danced around him, twirling and humming an unsettling tune, with Bliss flowers blooming wherever she took a step.

Joseph was in awe, taking in the smell of the well-known plants that were the mark of his people, the Bliss always giving them whatever they desired. He wished that he could become the thing he craved as well, first thinking about the form of it, to later fill his mind with details of this faceー _his_ eyes, _his_ lips, _God_ , those lips… he imagined Benjamin, and when he opened his eyes, Ben was standing right in front of him.

Jumping back a little from how close the man was, he at first was surprised to see Ben all in his clothes as he had seen him that doomed day in the church. This courage, this determination to take Joseph and his siblings down at any given moment of his life, those fearless and fierce gray eyes that were now staring into Joseph’s ones, and he could swear that his own eyes were filled with fear.  

Faith stepped closer to Benjamin and she stood on tiptoes to whisper something into his ear. He nodded as if understanding or agreeing with whatever she had told him, and both of them were glaring at the Father from time to time.

Joseph desired to know what they were talking about, Benjamin now was replying to her with an inaudible voice. He wanted to talk to them, to interact somehow, but as he tried to step closer he kept ending up farther.

Suddenly he found himself in a closed room, being separated from them by a thick and glass wall. He still could clearly see them thanks to those walls, but nothing what they were saying could be heard, and this was driving him insane.

He banged on the invisible wall, wanting to get their attention, wanting for them to release him from this unnerving place the glass room had become, but they acted as if they didn’t see him at all even though they were barely a few steps away from him. Wanting to scream, to yell for help, Joseph found his mouth so dry that no voice could leave it, so he just stared and hoped this misery would end soon.

“ _Greedy_ , huh?”

Joseph got startled and he quickly turned around to find the source of the known, harsh voice, and he found Jacob standing there not far from him, inside this glass room and playing with an assault rifle. _My rifle,_ the thoughts screamed inside Joseph’s head. He was smirking at the trapped man, seeing the despair written on his face.

A soft gasp left Joseph’s mouth as he hoped his older brother was here to save him because if he was able to enter this damn place, he was also hopefully able to leave it.

Joseph with no further thinking approached his brother that lazily aimed the rifle at him, and the move made Joseph freeze.

“Where do you think you are going?” His voice sounded like a wolf growling, preparing to attack its prey. Joseph felt his fierce eyes on his own, but he alone didn’t dare to look his older brother into his eyes at all. “ _Meat_ cannot run, can it?”

The Father felt as if his heart skipped a bit. What was his brother even talking about? What did he mean by… _that?_ But Jacob didn’t leave him much time to think as the elder man laughed loudly as he stepped aside, aiming the rifle somewhere else. Joseph sighed in pure relief and dared to glance over at his brother, finding Jacob still staring from above at him, with disappointment written on his face.

“Prove to me your strength, brother.” Jacob sighed, handing over his rifle to the Father, _my rifle,_ the other man carefully took it into his hands. “You perfectly know what happens to the weak, don’t you?” Joseph nodded without any thinking, yet quite unsure what Jacob meant by all that.

Before he could ask any questions about what was happening and what Jacob truly wanted from him, the whole environment changed and he found himself in some weird and gloomy corridors, with only a few working lights showing him the way. He walked, feeling as if this was something he just had to do, driven by his instinct and primal needs, and whenever he saw someone from behind a corner, he shot, no matter if he encountered a friend or a foe.

The further he was going, the louder the known tune of his oldest brother's sick song could be heard. Josephーthough he didn’t feel as if it was affecting him in any way cause he felt nothing at allーkept going, killing everyone who stood in his way. When the song got disturbingly loud from how close the Father must have been to its source, when he was almost completely covered in blood, his view was nearly completely red, when he thought it was the end of this road he had to finish, another personーand as he assumed the lastーcame to his view, and once that man turned to look into Joseph’s murderous eyes, the Father pulled the trigger.  

He shot, and with this shot guilt hit him probably harder than the bullet hit that man that didn’t happen to be another random human, but _Benjamin_.

Joseph gasped, his heart was filled with unbearable pain and fear as he quickly ran towards the wounded, dropping his rifle beside. Ben fell to the ground before Joseph was able to catch him, coughing up blood and trying to somehow cover the wound on his belly that Joseph had made. With tears in his eyesーthose eyes that earlier had shown no fear were now filled with despair and dreadーhe looked with a scared expression at the man that just kneeled beside him.

“ _God_ , what have I done?!” Joseph mouthed, feeling helpless with the situation he got Benjamin into. He also tried to push down the wound to stop the bleeding, but it looked and felt as if nothing was helping for the blood to stop flowing. Staring at Ben, seeing the horror in his eyes, noticing how the life was slowly draining from him made Joseph almost scream from torment that made it hard for him to breathe.

From all disgusting things he desired, he never wanted for Benjamin to die.

Suddenly Jacob approached the two figures on the ground, and he knelt beside Joseph to analyze his face. He tilted his head and shook his head in disgust. “See? You are _weak_ , brother. Weak and easily manipulated. _How pathetic of you_.”

He grabbed the rifle that was lying beside Joseph and a smile crept on his face as he saw the already lifeless body of Benjamin that Joseph was clinging to. Sighing, he got up and aimed with the rifle directly at his younger brother’s head.

“You deserve much worse, _little brother_.”

With that Joseph Seed woke up, breathing loudly and feeling the cold frame of the horrific door to Ben’s room on his back. He tried to calm down as he hid his face in his palms, his lose hair was all over the place. Trembling, he tried to understand what this dream meant that made him feel like a worthless mess. It seemed way too real to be just a silly nightmare of his siblings haunting him. But why would they even try to haunt him at all?

He did avenge them, _didn’t he?_

But what a horrendous way it was of avenging them, which made him think further that maybe they were not pleased with the actions he had taken. Truth was that he would never get to know that since his family had been long dead, killed by the man he felt now pity about.

He for sure knew that he wasn’t satisfied with all what he had done to Benjamin. He could do so many other things in order to punish the Deputy, but _no,_ he had listened to God’s voice and had done exactly as told.

_God, what did he get himself into?_

Suddenly a faint thud from behind him broke the silence looming in the bunker, and Joseph nearly jumped from how close it sounded.

Freezing, he eavesdropped if the thud would appear again, Joseph at first assumed that it maybe was just his imagination playing with his mind like the dreams did, but it happened again and the Father understood it must have been Benjamin banging on the door.

He took a deep breath before deciding to speak up to let the other man know that he was actually here. “Benjamin?” He asked carefully, and he tried to sound as calm and friendly as possible, unable to tell if Ben would get scared of his voice or not. He patiently waited for another thud or for the known voice of Ben’s to come from behind this door.

“Let me go, _please_ …” A breaking and harsh voice was all the Father heard, and Joseph closed his eyes barely able to hold it together after clearly hearing how hurt the other man was. “I just wanna go homeーOh, _God, please…_ let it finally end... _”_

The voice was enough to make Joseph be the weak man Jacob had proved to him in his dreams to be. He hoped that his own voice wouldn’t show his own miserable stance to the other man, which happened to be filled with enormous desire to enter that damn room and to show Benjamin that he is safe here.

God, he was a walking hypocrite.

“You know I can’t.” Was all Joseph was able to mouth before his voice stirred, and he took two deep breaths before he continued to elaborate. “The collapse happened, we have to wait it through.”

 _“Bullshit.”_ A simple, yet reasonable response since they’ve waited _enough_ down here.

Joseph could let him go, he truly could leave Benjamin be and make him walk away to find his freedom at any given moment. He could and _he can_ , but he will not.

“You saw what happened, you saw the collapse.” He tried hard to sound reasonable, but he knew the other man knew better, his voice was sounding almost the same as during the first day down here. It could be that Benjamin was slowly recovering, gaining strength and courage. “But… _you are right_. You could leave even though I declared that we’re going to stay here for seven years.”

“Then whyー _why the fuck_ won’t you let me go?” At first, he spoke up softly, and his voice was filled with hope, but, as Benjamin cursed, he sounded furious and determined to know the answer.

“Because I don’t want you to leave.”

The silence that fell between them after this confession made Joseph feel incredibly unnerving and unsure, but he knew that Benjamin was probably trying hard not to break from madness that those words for sure caused.

“I promised to never hurt you again, and I will not, but… I _can’t_ let you go. I just can’t.” Joseph knew he sounded desperate, and that this probably meant nothing to the other man because his argument was nothing but his own desire to have the other man close, to have him as his captive, as his only _child_. “I am a sinner, Benjamin, and I can’t deny that I’m _greedy._ ”

“You are sick… _you are fucking sick.”_ Ben stated, clearly to himself, but Joseph agreed to that nonetheless.

“Yes, I am, Benjamin. And I’mーG _od_ , I’m so sorry...” Joseph was a few breaths away from opening this door, he even searched with his hand and gripped the key hidden deep in the pocket of his pants. “I truly am sorry, believe me. You just… you are _everything_ I have left...”

“Then why are you treating me like _this?!”_ Benjamin yelled, banging his fist against the door again, and Joseph couldn’t handle it anymore.

He quickly moved and put the key into the keyhole in the door, unlocking it. Pushing it, he found a surprised and paralyzed Benjamin standing right in front of him who clearly didn’t see this coming.

For what felt like an eternity they stared into each other’s eyes, and Joseph found in the other man’s face fear mixed with something that could be called relief, while Ben saw pure sadness in Joseph's eyes, together with what he believed was… _fear_.

Joseph looked away, closing the door behind himself but not locking it afterward. He sighed deeply, expecting for Ben to run into his corner and to hide there from Joseph’s grasp and madness. But he was standing in place as if his limbs and mind were completely frozen.

“Benjamin, I…” The Father suddenly found it hard to speak after he could see Benjamin again, glancing at him from time to time just to fill his eyes with the view he hadn’t seen in quite a while. Those piercing gray eyes were now locked with his, showing now curiosity and what seemed interest in whatever Joseph was about to do, but behind this mask a huge amount of worry and suspicion was hidden.  

Shaking his head, Joseph came back to the sad reality and he tried to take a step towards the other man. Benjamin, even though all that time he was standing completely still, was pretty quick. He grabbed the blade Joseph had once left him to shave, and he aimed it towards the Father who brought his hands up to show him that he is not intending to hurt Ben.

“Stay back, _please_ ーdon't come any closer!” Ben sounded desperate, clearly afraid of what Joseph was truly up to, and Joseph froze.

“I won’t approach you, I justー _God,_ I wish there was a _way.”_ Joseph took a few steps back and pressed his back to the door, trying to show the other man that he had no power in here. He saw though that Benjamin wasn’t particularly determined to use that knife on Joseph, but he tried to use it anyway only to scare the Father away.  

“A way?” Benjamin curiously asked.

“Yes, a way to you. I… I wanted to enter this place earlier, to show you that I’m no threat anymore,” he stuttered a little, unsure of how he should handle this ridiculous situation. “But… _how?_ How and why would someone want to lay trust in someone like _me?”_

He felt Benjamin’s piercing stare, he saw that he patiently waited for him to finish his sentence, listening carefully to every word of his. All of how he glared at him made Joseph feel as if Benjamin was eating him alive with only his eyes, and he had a feeling that the loneliness Ben felt was much greater than the one he alone felt.

Ben lowered his hand a littleーthe one that was wielding the knifeーand it didn’t go unnoticed to Joseph’s eyes.

“Please, just… _try_ to believe me, Benjamin. I don’t want you to go, because… I want to have you here, with me.” Joseph’s voice was a whisper, and he tried hard not to let it break in the middle of his sentence. He took a deep breath before speaking again. “I might sound pathetic, even ridiculous, _but God_ , whenever I heard you cry I wished to be the one to comfort you.”

Benjamin laughed. “You know that _you_ were the cause of those cries, don’t you?”

“I know…” Joseph answered faster than how he wanted to answer this question, for yes, _he knew_ it was his fault they were stuck in this unending loop of Benjamin constantly becoming scared of seeing Joseph around _._ “I don’t deserve forgiveness, I don’t even desire it. Neither do I desire the redemption I was promised anymore.”

The Father could see how Benjamin looked away and lowered his hand holding the knife completely, and Ben was clearly consumed by his own thoughts about what he just confessed to him. But all of it was true. The redemption God had promised he would get through Benjamin’s pain felt like a lie, like something Joseph had made up only to fulfill his lust’s sick desires.

“Because there is no redemption... I have done my part and I have gotten nothing but regrets,” He took a deep breath and took a step towards Ben to see if the man was still feeling unsure about his presence here. “I… I regret hurting you, Benjamin. In _that_ horrendous way I did.”

“You have _raped_ me…” Benjamin gritted his teeth, his palm was clenching around the knife, and Joseph hung his head in shame. “...andーand now you fucking _regret it?_ That is _all?!_ ”

Joseph looked up at the hurt face in front of him and he took another step, seeing how tears were slowly forming in Benjamin’s eyes.

“Yーyou have given me hell down here, you have… you _hurt_ me so fucking much IーI barely could sit, you… yーyou…” Benjamin’s stuttering got worse and worse with each word, and he dropped the knife to embrace himself as he tried not to lose himself completely.

It was also when Joseph used his one and probably only chance to approach the other man, using the given situation very well and taking the scared man into his arms.

“Wーwhy… _God_ , why did you do _this_ to me…” Benーeven though taller than the Fatherーhid his face in Joseph’s embrace, clearly trying to look as small as possible.

Joseph breathed out, feeling the warmth of the other man in his arms as he heard how Ben quietly wept. “I am asking myself the same question…” His voice was barely audible since his feelings completely took over his senses. He was finally holding Benjamin in his arms, he was finally _so close_ to him, able to smell him and to feel him with the other man not attending to escape from his touch.

One of his hands went up, massaging Ben on his back until he reached his head where he hid his palm in the dark and long curls of his. The Father felt the other man shake violently whenever a sob was leaving his mouth, his own fingers were gently massaging now his scalp while he softly shushed him.

_A walking hypocrite._

Feeling Ben’s breath on the skin on his neck made Joseph shiver, and he felt a sudden need to feel him even closer, to embrace him until they both couldn’t breathe anymore, but he only gently moved his head to lay it on Benjamin’s own.

Ben at that particular motion tensed before relaxing once again, his hands were embracing Joseph harder and Joseph felt how all that what had happened, all the shit he had done to Benjamin was now being cried out by the man that he kept holding close.

“I’m sorry, Benjamin…” His voice was a mere whisper but as his mouth was right next to Ben’s ear he knew the man would without any doubt hear his confession. He heard how Benjamin sighed, the cries were becoming less and less audible and he gladly accepted the fact that the man he held stopped to shake as violently as earlier.

They stood like this for what seemed an eternity compared to how long they had been in this bunker. They were holding each other, and it felt so _wrong_ for the both of them but at the same time so _natural_ that they let it last, the calmness radiating from them was filling up the gloomy room.

It had been two weeks as Joseph counted since he let Benjamin go take a shower, leaving him more food and that certain knife the other man tried to use against him. Every single day and every single night he was scared to the core that Ben would take away his own life, not able to keep it together anymore.

He alone was trying his best not to think about that matter too, but whenever his dreams were showing him a dead Benjaminーwhich was happening quite oftenーhe was panicking and walking up to the metallic door that was standing between him and Ben only to hear if the other man was fine. He hurt that man in a way much worse than any torture, and now he was scared for his life.

Jacob was rightー _how pathetic of him._

It was Joseph who moved first to break their embrace, and Ben released an unhappy whimper once their serene moment together ended. The Father still held him gently by his arms, and he was careful not to accidentally ruin what he managed to achieve. He didn’t dare to look Benjamin into his eyes though, he was afraid of what he might find there.

“I want to go… _please_ , let us leave this place.” Benjamin's voice was soft, yet a little shaky and unsure. He was looking down at Joseph’s face.

Joseph felt that unnerving stare, but he still didn’t look up to lock his eyes with Ben’s and he exhaled a breath he didn’t know he was holding. What the other man had said hurt him to the core but at the same time, it comforted him in a way. Ben didn’t want to leave on his own, he wanted to go with _him._ It made Joseph smile sadly, and he finally dared to look into Benjamin’s gray eyes.  

“I can’t leave, even if I would want to go,” As he slowly elaborated, he saw the confusion slowly building up on Ben’s face. “What future do I have in a world consumed by the collapse? If any government still exists, they would take me away in a second, sentencing me to death for what I’ve done.”

Benjamin looked down, certainly deep in his thought again. And Joseph watched his face, the face he hadn’t seen in how he believed forever. Benjamin wasn’t scared, he showed no fear or disgust towards the man that stood barely inches away from him. The man who put him under unbelievable pain and devastation.

As he thought about it he didn’t know if he alone would be able to stand this close to a person who hurt him in a way he hurt Benjamin, and those thoughts made him feel so ashamed of himself he felt bad that the other man decided to lay his trust in him.  

 _But God, thank you for giving me this chance,_ was all Joseph thought when Benjamin finally looked back at him.

“Then I’ll stay.”

Those words filled the silent room, the meaning that they were holding surprised Joseph to the point he had no idea what to do now and he just couldn’t believe in what Ben had just stated. Even though the sentence was simple it sounded so ridiculous to him that he almost laughed, believing that Ben was just making fun of him, but truth was that he sounded quite reliable which entirely confused Joseph.

In a way Joseph wanted for Benjamin to leave, he almost wanted to tell him that _no_ , he should leave and live a proper life outside, far from him and his madness. But the greed located deep inside of him wanted for him to have Ben only for himself by trying to win his trust again so that he stayed. If he didn’t get it that way he would try out another way to make him stay.

But he didn’t need to anymore.

“Why would you even _want_ to stay?” The voice of reason spoke for Joseph, but his greediness let itself know of its existence in his mind, the sin was speaking up in his mind for being stupid to ask this silly question because Joseph should be glad that Benjamin after all the horrible things Joseph had done to him _still_ wanted to stay. But no sin could win with his curiosity.

He was _greedy_ to know the truth.

“I… I don’t know, honestly,” Benjamin answered, stepping away from the other man a little only to have a better view of him, as Joseph believed. “God be my witness, I actually _wanted_ for you to come in here just to talk with me, even though youー”

“Raped you.” Joseph finished the sentence for Benjamin, interrupting as he spoke as if _wanting_ to confess it on his own, trying to show the other man how much wrong he had caused, how much pain he had given him, and yet Ben wanted to stay and grant him his company. It was kind of a _warning_.

“Yes, you have raー _you did._ But... you also fed me, you let me shower, you… you have given me more than a prisoner should become,” Joseph was unsure if he was explaining it to him or to himself. “I don’t _fucking_ know what the hell is wrong with me, but I justーI can’t blame you for _everything_. I could have ended way worse.”

The Father was staring at him, listening to those words and he couldn’t believe that Benjamin was trying to justify his sins. He wanted to interrupt his monologue, he wanted to stop Ben from telling those lies but listening to that was so soothing that he couldn’t help himself.

“I’m not forgiving you, _not yet,_ but I… I hope that I will one day,” Ben continued softly, looking back at the broken man that happened to be Joseph that stood in place, glaring at Ben as if the man was speaking in a completely different language. “But I’m giving you a chance, and maybe God will give you one too.”

Joseph felt tears forming in his eyes from how much kindness had Benjamin shown him during this one short speech of his. He had done the _worst_ , hurting Benjamin to the point ofーhow he believedーno return, and he still was merciful enough to give him a chance to become a better man.

And he would rather die than let that chance go to hell.

“Benjamin, I… _I don’t deserve this.”_ The voice of reason spoke for him, giving Ben the last chance to run away from him, to grab that damn knife to stab him and to finally escape from this bunker, but none of this happened. Ben stood in place, clearly fighting with himself and with how he felt towards Joseph.

“Everyone deserves a chance, Joseph,” Benjamin spoke, approaching the other man that didn’t dare to look him into his eyes yet. “It is God who taught us thisーhe taught us to _forgive.”_

Finally, he lifted his head up and their eyes locked, Joseph was savoring the view of Benjamin’s gray eyes being so close to his own that he was able to see every little detail in them. It was the second time since they entered the bunker when he looked him so deep into his eyes that he could read Benjamin’s soul _so clearly_ , telling Joseph that Ben was in no fear.

It was as if the time stopped when Joseph was close enough to Ben for their lips to touch. It was a gentle touch as if both of them awaited consent to open up their mouths to welcome each other. Joseph moved, his hands were going up to caress Benjamin’s face and Ben moaned, opening his mouth to greet the Father's tongue with his own.

Benjamin tasted like a divine being, with his lips being as soft as the clouds that Joseph hadn't seen in ages, the Father was feeling as if his whole life depended on their slow movement. He deepened the kiss, feeling now Ben’s arms around his body, massaging his back in a gentle but needy manner.

Their bodies worked as one, perfectly matched in a kiss that would last till the world was born from ashes again.

Joseph broke the kiss, a little too harshly to his own liking, and he moved away from the divine creature Benjamin had become in his eyes. Trying hard to catch a breath, he stated. “ _No._ Don’t do this, this is... _it’s wrong.”_

The other man smiled at that, ignoring his statement completely and leaning in to kiss Joseph again who accepted it, the Father opened up his mouth to again welcome Ben with gratitude.

It didn’t last long, though, with Benjamin being now the one to break it. He looked Joseph deep into his eyes, finding there nothing but peace and calmness their talk and the kiss had caused, and Joseph was feeling delighted with all what they achieved.

“Not as _wrong_ as what you have _done_ to me.” The words were what brought Joseph’s soul, mind, and body back to reality. They hit him like a truck, the pain attacking his heart to the point he thought it was just about to break into millions of pieces. He tried to search in Benjamin’s eyes any signs of whatever he had in mind, only to suddenly hear the Voice speak in his head again.

And it was like a blessing mixed with a death sentence.  

Hearing the Voice again made him calm but at the same time so tense that he didn’t comprehend the fact that Benjamin had picked up the knife from the floor.

 _“How pathetic of you.”_ Both Benjamin’s voice and God’s own spoke in unison and Joseph Seed woke up from this nightmare with a scream that filled nearly the whole bunker.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed this chapter~! Soon the last chapter will arrive!


	7. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We will rise again but we will never be the same.

There was no way for all of that to be just a dream, there was _no way_ his subconsciousness was able to recreate it in such a vivid and realistic way. There was no possible way that all he had seen, encountered, and felt was nothing but his imagination.

It was beyond his understanding.

Joseph sat quietly by his bed in nothing but his already worn pants he used to sleep with, holding himself tightly with his head low and praying to God in his head as he tried to recover from what he had just experienced. It was so shocking to him to wake up with a scream in his bed and to find out that _all_ he had achieved in barely a few minutes with Benjamin was nothing but his mind’s invention. However, he was also glad it happened to be _just_ a dream because of how horribly it ended.

With no idea what he should do now, he continued to sit and massage his forehead while he tried to think about his whole existence and about what this particular dream was trying to tell him. Joseph understood now clearly that there was _no way_ for Benjamin to ever forgive him his sins, there was also no way that _God_ would ever forgive him, for Joseph was now certain that all of it was just a test to see what the Father was capable of doing only to get his atonement and promised redemption. But what Ben had said in such a genuine way right into his eyes in this dreamーand what made Joseph feel at easeーwas carved now deep in his mind. _You deserve a chance._

But does he? After everything he had done to Benjamin, after everything he _still_ kept doing, holding the poor man as his captive… did he still deserve a chance from both Ben and God? He alone had no troubles answering that questionーthere was no redemption awaiting him, neither should he ever be forgiven for the sins he had committed.

_Broken, weak, sinful._

Joseph moved a little, taking out the key from his pants. He lifted his head up a little to look at it while he lazily played with the golden thing in his hands. He was staring at it, at the device that would lead him to the man that he had trapped and tortured by rape, and this little thing would show him if he truly deserved a chance or not.

_You don’t deserve it. You know it._

All he had to do was to get up and to enter Benjamin’s room, to see if that man is going to react in a positive or negative way, hoping for what had happened in his dream not to happenーat least not for the part that crushed his heart and made him realize how stupid he was to believe that Ben would so quickly let the Father even approach him.  

There was a moment in that dreamー _God_ , does he hate that awful fact that this was barely his imagination fooling himーthat he was going to never forget. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the fact that they happened to kiss again, though Joseph could still feel Ben’s soft and warm lips on his own. But no, it was that gentle and calm moment between them when they held each other in that reassuring embrace.

God, this loneliness was driving him insane.

Joseph would do everything just for it to happen again, to let Ben quietly cry on his shoulder, and for the Father to hold him while he was doing it. He wanted to massage his back in a reassuring manner, to make sure his shivers disappeared and that his breath calmed down as he was holding him, softly shushing him. He wanted to hide his hand in those dark and long curls of his, caressing his head to make Ben feel safe.

_What is happening to me? Am I going crazy?_

He still kept asking himself that question that wouldn’t even let him sleep calmly anymore, haunting him every evening before he closed his eyes. And when he was slowly drifting into slumber those wordsーmixed with Benjamin’s cries and begs to leave him beーwere forcing Joseph to get up only to calm down a little before he tried to sleep again.

God, he couldn’t even tell if this was still the gray reality or if he was dreaming again. It was slowly driving him into madness and he was on a verge of believing he was insane since he had no clue of how to make sure that he wasn’t lying in his bed while deep in his impossibly realistic dreams.

Finally, he sighed and stood up, though he felt that his limbs were sore and that his body and mind still demanded sleep. He then straightened himself and slowly went over to some containers to properly dress up for the upcoming day. He chose a simple shirt and changed into his favorite black jeans, putting the holster with his weapon around his waist. Then he approached the mirror to tie his hair up only to see how actually tired and devastated he looked. Finishing his hair, he continued to stare at his reflection for what seemed an hour, but eventually he left his room to go over to the corridor.

That door, that damn door that was standing there between Joseph and Benjamin, the one that wasーhopefullyーgiving Ben some sense of protection, a place where he could feel relatively safe, away from Joseph and his madness.

Approaching it silently, he leaned onto it and gently placed his ear on the metal to listen if Benjamin was awake. He did it already so many times before that he was now able to hear the most little things the other man was sometimes doing. He could hear him eat or drink or even sleep, he listened to him talk with himself or directing Joseph, but he also heard his muffled cries that Ben tried to silence the moment they appeared. He also heard him either whimper during his nightmares or shout so loudly that Joseph was immediately waking up, even though he was sleeping in nearly the other end of the bunker.  

Right now Joseph could hear Benjamin shuffle quietly in his bed, attending to stand up and probably to ready himself for the day, just as Joseph had done earlier. He heard Benjamin say something inaudible to himself, but he alone remained quiet as he kept listening to whatever the other man was doing. He decided that he shouldn’t let him know about that fact that he was about to enter, but at the same time, he felt awful about doing it without any warnings.

A loud breath in, and he put the key into the door’s keyhole to unlock it. Slowly he put his hand on the handle, pushing it down and opening the door to finally peek into Benjamin’s room. While entering it, he already felt his heart stir as he saw the other man standing still beside his bed, barely a few steps away from the Father. He had the clothes on that Joseph had left him, the clothes he had found in this bunker that clearly once had belonged to Dutch, though they didn’t really fit him, but he was sure Ben was glad anyway, and right now he had a casual white t-shirt on, together with dark jeans.

Benjamin was staring in horror at the man that just out of sudden entered his safe place. His whole body tensed at once, Ben wasn't able to move anymore as he first heard and then saw the door open only to reveal Joseph. It was so sudden to him, so _random_ that he couldn’t believe it happened, all the devastation he once used to feel every single day coming back to him in one strike. It was worse to him since Joseph had been clearly avoiding him at all cost, not even talking to him from behind this door, and right now he was entering this room as if… _God,_ this could only mean _one_ thing.

The Father was observing the other man clearly seeing what was going on in Benjamin’s head. Though truth was that he didn’t even need to look at his face to know that Ben was paralyzed by fear. Joseph waited for his body to relax a little and for Ben to do any movement to indicate how he felt about the new situation that just rose between them, but no such thing was happening and Joseph could feel his whole body hurt at the feeling of being so horribly impatient.

Exhaling loudly, he tilted his head to look away as he was not able to stand that sight anymore and he took a step towards Ben.

What the other man did after noticing Joseph move didn’t surprise him at all, though he quickly stepped back towards the door to give Ben the feeling he wouldn’t approach him if he didn’t want him to.

Benjamin, as he noticed Joseph move, jumped back almost falling onto the bed as he loudly yelped, begging him not to come any closer. He acted and looked _worse_ than what the Father remembered from the times when he had been regularly visiting him, but he guessed that his little surprise which happened to be Joseph entering this room must have made Ben probably realize he would _never_ be free from this nightmare. _Never._

Joseph listened to his words, to those pleas that were breaking his heart while he stood right by the door’s frame, letting Ben also see that he left the door completely open.

“I wouldn’t enter… I wouldn’t, but I had a dream, such an incredibly vivid dream, that I _had_ to see you, Benjamin,” Joseph spoke up slowly, letting his voice fill the room where Ben’s loud and unsteady huffs could be heard. “You were there, just as you are standing here right now, looking at me in fear and pure confusion.”

The Father glanced at Ben trying to read his face, but all he saw was still the same fearful expression he had every time Joseph had been visiting him. Feeling defeated and helpless, Joseph exhaled loudly once again and continued with his statement. “My siblings visit me in my dreams just as you do, and they seem to be as realistic as you are.

This was when Benjamin clearly concentrated on what Joseph was trying to tell him, analyzing his words and trying to find proper words to reply to Joseph confessing him all that.

“I… I dream of them too.” Ben after a few minutes managed to speak up, though his voice was hoarse and barely a whisper. He cursed himself in his mind for trying to have a dialogue with the Father even though he knew what would happen next but talking with him, even though a simple conversation, would buy him time before the worst would happen. Also, _God_ , he couldn’t deny that over time his longing to interact with another human-being became bigger than ever, andーhe believed Joseph must have been feeling the same as he did, dreading the loneliness the Father alone had sentenced upon themーmaybe all of this would give Ben a chance to finally escape. _No. You can’t. You can’t escape._ Ben’s own mind kept screaming at him.

Joseph seemed surprised to hear him say that, curiosity was building up in him as he nodded for Benjamin to continue with his story, giving him approval to lead their conversation. The other man didn’t catch it though, too lost in his own thoughts, so he tried a different approach, speaking out loud. “Will you tell me more about those dreams, Benjamin?”

Joseph really tried to sound calm, but the disturbingly unnerving feeling he had about waking up from a too vivid dream to his liking was still too strong, the worry that he was still deep in sleep kept haunting his thoughts. He watched the other man carefully, still standing by the door and trying not to let his eyes off of him.

“They… tーthey keep visiting me in my dreams... every single night.” The Deputy started his story, and Joseph was suddenly having this weird feeling that Ben was maybe trying to fool him into something he had planned during all those days with Joseph staying away from him. He had to be cautious and not to allow himself to fall into his own trap he created and that had the name of Benjamin. His thoughts were broken by the other man continuing to speak. “They… seem _real_ , so vivid… approaching me and talking to me, but…”

Ben was staring at a spot next to Joseph as if trying to imagine the other man’s siblings standing there beside him. They were already long gone, but thanks to those dreams he had had he still remembered all of their features well.

“Bーbut they are… they are not the same as I remember them, they act differently. I could almost say that… that they are _kind_ to me _._ ”

Joseph squinted his eyes in curiosity hearing Ben tell him his story. It… _might_ have been made up, but truth was that the recent dream Joseph had experienced showed _exactly_ what Ben was now elaborating about. His siblings had been haunting him, not Benjamin, with Faith even personally talking with that man. Jacob, on the other hand, even earlier had been talking about how strong Ben actually was, never telling a bad word about the Deputy, while towards Joseph he had been purely mean, and he alone had felt unsafe around his oldest brother. But John had never truly mentioned Ben, only showing Joseph how horrendous was what the Father did.

So could it be that Benjamin _wasn't_ lying? He had to hear more about it, he was almost _dying_ to learn more. Truth was that this is why he was hereーto talk, to just interact with Benjamin, to see how bad the other man would react to his sight. Thus he kept staring at Ben, trying to read his face and his emotions, seeing that he relaxed a little as he was telling the story of his dreams.

“Kind? Could you elaborate?” Joseph almost wanted to slap himself for that question because he shouldn’t be pushing Ben forward, and his voice made the other man jump a little as if he woke up from a dream, looking now straight into Joseph's blue eyes. He didn’t do anything else though, he was just patiently waiting now for Ben’s response. He saw that Ben bit his lip as he clearly tried to open it just to let the words fill his room.

“They… they are telling me I should try to save you.”

Joseph barely got here but he already wanted to leave that damn room. He felt so awful, and at the same time so grateful that he decided to overstep the borders to enter this place and to look at Benjamin. But what he said to him was something he didn’t expect to hear at all. Joseph believed that it was Ben who wanted to be saved, who deserved to be saved from _him_ and his madness, and since he woke up from the lust’s hold he never even thought about neither anything around his own atonement nor the redemption he was promised.

This simple sentence Ben said completely ruined Joseph since he knew that even if Ben tried to save him, there was no way to do that anyway.

_I don't deserve it._

He tried to speak up, he really did, but all that left his mouth was a harsh sound. Clearing his throat he scolded himself in his mind that he had to remain sane otherwise Ben would get scared of his weird behavior.

“That’s… _really_ interesting, Benjamin. They are treating me completely different in _my_ dreams,” Joseph managed to get Ben’s full attention on him but as he noticed his face was almost screaming at Joseph that whatever he tried to tell him now were _just_ lies. “Yes, Benjamin, I dream of them too.”

The sheer fact that Benjamin had told him about his siblings visiting him in his dreams was enough for Joseph to be sure that the man wasn’t lying, so Joseph started to tell him about what his brothers and sister kept doing in his own dreams. Ben seemed to be listening to every word of his but Joseph knew though _what_ the other man for sure believed would happen once they were done taking, and that thought stirred his heart to the point he had to pause for a second during his speech.

_What have I done to this man?_

Once Joseph was done speaking, Benjamin looked down at his own feet to rethink what he knew about the other man that was still idly standing by the door. He alone sat down on the bed by which he still stood, and the furniture creaked loudly as his body hit the covers. Ben could feel that his time was coming to an end, so he decided to speak for the last time, already feeling how his body started to tremble.

“When… whenever I see Jacob I always feel strong as if he was giving me that strength,” he stated, shifting on the bed and lifting his head up to look at the Father, mostly to see if the man was approaching him yet or not. “He says that he was _wrong_ about me, that I am way stronger than what he assumed. That only with this strength I would be able to save not only myself but also… _you_.”

Joseph didn’t tell Ben about all of his dreams he had with his siblings. He didn’t go into too much of details to keep it simple and believable for the other man, and _one_ of those things he didn’t tell him about was that Jacob often had been telling him that Benjamin had been stronger than what heーJosephーassumed.

“That girl, Faith, she was always handing me a gun, telling me to be careful and to have a watchful eye.” Ben made a certain motion with his hand, showing off that he was holding a weapon now, glancing at it. “But whenever I was looking down at it, I… I saw a Bliss flower.”

Joseph carefully watched him, remembering how he had dreamed of his siblings for the very first time, quite the time ago. It had been _exactly_ like in Benjamin’s dream, but with the difference that Faith had handed him a flower that later had changed into a gun. He certainly _didn’t_ mention this dream nor that fact to Benjamin that this happened to him too because the last time it had happened had been so long ago he nearly forgot about it. Right now he was staring at the other man with an expression that indicated that he was _scared_ of how powerful simple dreams became.

_Is it possible that I’m again dreaming?_

“And then, at last, John was… he was approaching me, and IーI… I kept finding myself being strangled to the… to _this_ bed,” Benjamin made a movement with his hands, a quite nervous and unsure one, to show the bed on which he just sat as he still carefully kept his eyes on Joseph. “He was soothing me, telling me that everything will be alright if I just… if I just _save_ you.”

The last words were almost spat out by the man that just looked away from Joseph, unable to hold his stare anymore. The Father, on the other side, couldn’t stop looking at this man that just opened up before him by telling him what he dreamed about. He still couldn’t entirely understand the dreams they both happened to have though, all of them were different and yet so similar that it was scaring him to the point he had no idea what to say anymore.

Exhaling a breath Joseph didn’t know he was holding, he decided to try and approach the other man. He took a step, only to abruptly stop the moment he moved. Benjamin, once he saw the standing man suddenly be in motion, flinched and whined loudly, and the poor man was trying to cover his whole body with his hands. He could already feel tears forming in his eyes, but he tried hard not to let them fall and not to show the other man how _weak_ he still was.

Joseph saw this weakness growing within him, he saw how vulnerable the other man was and how he still feared Joseph that was about to do nothing but simply approach him. It hurt him to the point he had to look away from the broken man, and while he did it, he noticed a flash that caught his attention. What he saw was the knife, the knife that Ben used in his dream to scare him away, lying there on the table right next to Benjamin’s bed he suddenly felt a little unsure but at the same time curious.

It wasn’t that far from Ben’s reach and the man still didn’t grab it to defend himself.  

He looked around, seeing the room he once had been so often visiting only for his own stupid desires, to please the lust inside of him, and to fulfill God’s will, all only to get what he had been promised. And right now, as he stood here, he felt _nothing._ He felt as if whatever he had done to the other man meant nothing and that everything he caused was unnecessary. And the sheer thought that this had ruined the other man to the point Joseph couldn’t even approach him…

_I am a monster._

“Listen, Benjamin… IーI understand you fear me, and you _should_ fear me but I’m here to... “ Joseph was trying to find proper words for what he was just about to say but God was it hard. “I am here to set you free.”

Benjamin immediately looked up at Joseph and all he saw was the seriousness clearly written on his face. It was almost funny to him how serious he looked, how notably even sadness was visible on his face and how much Joseph tried for Ben to see that on him, and God, Ben actually very highly _wanted_ to believe him.

“ _Release me…?_ ” Ben stood up, feeling that he needed to show some confidence and strength right now in order to make the other man explain the whole situation to him. Joseph couldn’t just come here and all of sudden want his freedom, and Ben felt that this was only another test. Suddenly he restrained himself, and his voice was less convincing. “What do you mean by this?”

Joseph smiled sadly. He knew that Ben would be surprised to hear this, and truth was that he alone was surprised to hear himself say what he just said, he didn’t truly want for Benjamin to go and leave him at all, but if there was anything good left in him, it was _this_. To forgive himself even a little all the crimes he had done, he _had_ to let Benjamin go.

“You are free to go, Benjamin. I just…” God, he felt so awful and his voice sounded so harsh that he had to stop and think about what to say now. He knew what he was going to do, he knew that this was the end of their stay down here in this bunker and he had to deal with it. He looked up at the ceiling and cleared his throat before speaking again. “I came here to see you for the last time before you leave.”

That was true. He honestly would just open all those doors and set Benjamin free without forcing the other man to look at him, but he truly wanted to see him, to memorize his features and to maybe even touch him for the last time, though he knew touching wasn’t an option at all. Simply _looking_ at Benjamin, on the other side, was possible, so he stared at the other man as long as desirable.

Before he even unlocked the door for Benjamin, he actually didn’t think yet about releasing Ben, that was another thing of _why_ he didn’t let the other man without forcing him to stare at the man that had raped him. But once the Father saw how broken Ben was, how much _worse_ he acted compared to that Deputy he had met in his dreams barely a few minutes ago. God, he just couldn’t believe all of this was his and his only doing.

_It’s all my fault, all of it._

Benjamin looked confused, he tried to understand what the other man was even meaning by all this, but he couldn’t help himself and let the thought enter his mind, the thought that Joseph was truly about to let him go. Not from this room to another, but out from his bunker to the world.

To _freedom._

Cursing himself in his mind, Ben tried to restrain himself and not to jump from happiness just yet. He kept repeating in his head that all of this still could be a trap, that Joseph was allowing him to leave this room to later use the situation of Benjamin’s short moment of joy to pin him to a wall and to rape him like he not long ago used to do.

With all of his heart wishing to go without questioning Joseph’s offer, he still shook his head, whispering a soft _no’_.

Joseph closed his eyes for a long while, remembering how Benjamin said the same in his previous dream. The memories flooded back to his head now at how the other man refused to go, how he refused to leave this place only to stay down here with Joseph. But did _this_ Benjamin mean the same thing by saying _‘no’_? He was certain about this, but he decided it wouldn’t hurt if only he asked.

“You want to stay? With me?” Joseph finally but still carefully asked, and he cursed himself afterward, knowing that this question would scare Ben and made him answer this in only one possible way. And as he thought, Ben made a pained expression trying hard not to agree to what he obviously never in his life would agree, still nodding his head to that, agreeing to whatever Joseph wanted him to do.

Joseph kept staring at the wreck of this man that sat on the bed and tried to look as small as possible. He was the cause of this man’s state, he was the one that caused the other man to _want_ to stay because Ben for sure was scared as hell of what Joseph might do to him if he doesn't agree to his terms. It even hit Joseph that he maybe didn’t want to go simply because he feared it was nothing but a trap.

_God, what did I do to this poor, broken man…_

Joseph breathed in, looking down and trying to find the proper words for Ben’s short response. He couldn’t deny that he alone desired for Ben to stay here with him, for Joseph to continue to enter this room just to glance at Ben from time to time, with maybe at some point Benjamin starting to trust Joseph enough for them to start somewhat live together in harmony.

All of those were just his desires he never would and could get fulfilled.

“You cannot stay, Benjamin,” Joseph, at last, stated, unable to tell if he said it to the man that stood before him or to his own self. “You _have_ to leave this bunker.”

Joseph moved to the side enough to show Benjamin the yet opened door. As he continued to stare at Ben, he saw how he carefully followed his steps with his eyes, and Ben was clearly unsure about whatever Joseph was trying to do.

Eventually, Benjamin glanced over at the open door, seeing there no threat and nothing that could stop him from leaving this place. He hesitated because Joseph still was close enough for him to stop Benjamin before he leaves, but as he looked over at the Father he didn’t see the same face he once used to see every single day. In the end, he took a step towards his freedom, though he stopped after a step only to look over at the Father again, just to see him stare.

Joseph kept memorizing Benjamin’s face. He tried to remember every simple detail of his face, those gray, piercing eyes of his and the enormous amount of freckles on his face. He looked up at the black, long curls and down at those full lip that he once got to taste. God, he would give everything just to taste them again, but he knew there was _no fucking way_ that Ben would ever allow him to even come close to him.

“You… you are staying?” Those lips at which he kept staring just moved and Joseph realized that Ben stood in place, looking at him and asking him a question. It startled him to the point he squinted his eyes and couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of those words, but once his mind processed it, he considered this question. It _was_ an optionーJoseph could leave this bunker together with Benjamin and maybe find a place where he could live on and wait for God’s reappearance once he was ready. But… he _couldn’t_ , he simply couldn’t.

He had to atone now only to get the redemption he once was promised, and it now got to him that there was _only one_ way to reach God’s embrace.

“I will stay.” Joseph exhaled, for the last time savoring the view of Benjamin’s face before he turned around, with his back facing Ben now. He could feel how his own body started now to tremble as he realized he would never _ever_ get to see him again. “Leave, Benjamin, all the doors are open for you.”

Ben just became aware of the fact that Joseph still kept calling him Benjamin. No matter how often he was pissed at the Father before they both were trapped down here in this bunker, Ben was always yelling to him through the walkie-talkie that he preferred to be called _‘_ Ben’, and _especially_ by him.

Right now he heard Joseph still call him _Benjamin_ and it didn’t bother him anymore. He couldn’t tell if this was because Joseph just let him be or because he stopped caring about this man being one of the few that called him by his full name. He couldn’t deny it but he got used to that silly, little fact.

He kept staring at the back of this man that used to hurt him so badly he alone believed he would never recover, but eventually he decided it was time for him to leave. Saying no more words, he took another step towards the door, with his steps so silent that Joseph didn’t even hear him go. But Joseph was already certain that Ben was gone, and the freedom was calling for him the moment he put him in this hell of a bunker.  

“God… will you _ever_ come back to me?” His voice was shaky as he hoped for God to speak to him as he asked this simple question. But as he waited for the response, he heard only silence. “I know I did wrong, I know that I did _terribly_ wrong, but, God, I am just a man.”

Facing the wall in front of him he could feel how everything he had done to the man that just finally reached the freedom he deserved attacked him all at once. The pain hit all of his senses, the guilt attacked his guts, and the awareness that his sins would never be forgiven was tearing him apart.

“I am a man that has his flaws, his unforgettable and unforgivable sins, and God, I am ready for your final judgment. I understand now why you didn’t provide me your promised redemption even though I did as you declared I should do…” He started his monologue but he could already feel how harsh his voice became after barely a few words. Feeling the sins crawling on his back, he could only hope that God will be merciful.

_You deserve no mercy._

“You mentioned that his pain would give it all to me, that this was the only way. And, God… _you were right._ His pain truly did open my eyes, I see now the man I have become, all the sins I have done to become better, stronger, while truth is that I am _weak_ ,” Joseph could even feel how the weakness was taking control over his body, making him tremble from fear. “My one and only way to forgiveness, later to my redemption isーit’s quite simple, isn’t it? Simple, but, _my God_ , you know I can’t… not without you.”

As if a light breeze touched his skin, he felt something warm and pleasant fill his heart. Somethingーsomeone he had missed so much he was at the verge of giving up his faith, now was giving him the comforting feeling, the Voice was soothing him and Joseph let that feeling completely consume him, and he finally knew that from now on it would be much easier.

“God, _you are here…”_

Now he could finally let the God embrace him.

Joseph looked down and reached his holster with his hand, pulling out the gun. He stared at it, tracing it carefully with his free hand, knowing this time the weapon wouldn’t fail as it once had. He opened the magazine, finding there only one bullet but it was enough for him, as he thought.

“IーI know now… that the true name of my redemption isn’t Ben… _God,_ Benjamin…” He let out a loud sob as he closed his eyes, trying once again to see the other man, trying to imagine the Deputy smile at him but the horrible truth was that Joseph had never got to see him smile. That fact only made him feel worse, and he already believed there was no way to feel poorer as he did right now. _“God forgive me.”_

His whole body was shaking as he slowly lifted up the arm holding the gun, with its barrel gently touching now his temple, and the unpleasant coldness of it was making Joseph shiver.

He unlocked the gun, and another sob left his mouth as he heard the inevitable sound of the weapon being ready to be shot. “I am so sorry, Benjamin.”

Joseph Seed fired the gun, and his lifeless body hit the floor as Benjamin watched all of this happen.

Ben wanted to stop him, he couldn’t renounce that he wanted to run up to him to stop the Father from shooting himself, he _truly_ did. But as he heard him speak, he understood now what his siblings were trying to tell him in his dreams.  

Saving Joseph was only by letting him see his sins through Benjamin’s pain, and finally, for him to die.

* * *

Years after Benjamin had left the bunker, he never forgot about whatever happened down there. He was currently sitting as a passenger in a car, his friend was driving them back to their loft as country music slowly was lulling him to sleep. He lazily watched the forest by the road, and the setting sun was beaming through the trees.

Ben had built himself a new life in a completely new place in what seemed a _completely new world._  He didn’t feel like the same man that he once used to be, changing in a way that even his own family wouldn’t recognize him anymore. He had even managed to change his appearance a bit, kind of _wanting_ to look as different as it was only possible. Ben had cut all of his hair, leaving no trace of his once beautiful and black curls though he hid his baldness under a cap. He also had a much longer beard now, looking quite fierce.

He closed his eyes, thinking about the _now_ and trying to forget about the past, the sun was nearly completely behind trees and land, his friend was saying something that awakened him for a second before he again shut his eyes. He waited for the sleep to consume him but at the same time, he tried to stay awake for the sake of his driver.

Once he finally fell asleep he was flying above an endless ocean, his nose was filled with the smell of both fresh air and the almost annoying scent of the salty water beneath him.

Ben, while flying, suddenly gasped, perfectly remembering this dream that had started his disgusting stay in the bunker together with Joseph Seed. He abruptly could feel all of the fear coming back to him, attacking his senses and his mind at once, and he could feel the tension building up in every limb of his.

Before Ben could comprehend it with his consciousness, he ended up on the ground. He happened to be on a small island in the middle of the ocean he was barely seconds ago flying above, feeling quite unnerving with the view of the unending water all around him. Starting to breathe heavily, he tried with all of his powers to make himself wake up, but seconds later he realized _where_ waking up could bring him.

“Benjamin?”

His voice. _Not this again_. Benjamin felt as if his whole world, whatever he had built himself again, all the new life of his and his new individuality was gone with a voice speaking up his _own_ name. The whole body of his tensed and he couldn't even turn around to look at the known source of the sound, being aware of the fact that if he looks into those blue eyes he will again become the mess he once used to be.

 _Joseph Seed died a long time ago_. Ben’s voice of reason kept repeating this in his head, the thought of that was making him feel a little more confident, but _how_ could he be sure? Maybe the whole new life of his was _all_ just a dream and he was going to _again_ wake up in the bunker and another day full of pain and devastation would start. He couldn’t deal even with the sheer thought of that he _never_ escaped.

Benjamin finally turned around, finding the Father lying on the ground in the middle of this tiny island, and all around him Bliss flowers were blooming. He was in his pants onlyーas he usually wasーand he had a visible wound on his temple, clearly coming from the bullet with which he had taken away his own life.

Seeing the same face that _years_ ago had been above him, abusing him to the point that Ben couldn't even sit properly and right now, after all this time, he still had been having nightmares and problems to sleep in peace, all of it had awoken such _wrath_ inside of Ben that he wanted to punch the man until he died.

The Father sat up, looking with a gentle expression at the man that had both fear and anger written on his face. Ben was shaking, and because he was _aware_ of the fact he had been dreaming he was begging his own self to wake up, at the same time cursing himself that waking up is a bad idea either. He had no clue of what to do now but as he wasn’t waking up for some reason, even though he tried it really hard, he decided he would have to deal with Joseph _now._

Not able to stop staring at the Father, Ben saw how he slowly proceeded to stand up, carefully approaching the man he once used to rape. He expanded his arms, though he didn’t close the distance between them, giving Ben the idea of space and safety, and his expression was screaming that he is not here to hurt the former Deputy at all.

“It's been seven years since we locked ourselves in that bunker, Benjamin,” Joseph stated, and his beaming voice startled the other man. Though Ben never stopped to fear him, the statement confused him to the point he immediately wanted to speak up only to learn the truth, no matter how awful it would sound. But before he even managed to open his mouth, the Father spoke again. “Tomorrow is the time for us to leave it.”

Benjamin’s face became a mess made out of confusion, anger and denial mixed all together. He couldn’t believe in those words, he didn’t _want_ to believe them. It couldn’t be that all those years he lived a life to forget all that the Father did to him were a _lie._

_God, please, let me wake up in my house._

“But weー _I left it_. I left the bunker a long time ago, and you… _you died,_ and it’s all just a dream now, it’s _not_ happening that I’m still there, it’sー

“Did we truly leave it?”

The Father didn’t let the other man even finish his sentence, though Ben in a way was grateful that he had before he had completely become lost in this madness. His voice was already breaking at the end, and he could swear his body started to shake with barely Joseph standing so close to him.

 _God, I beg you. Let this all be just a nightmare_.

“Part of us stayed there, Benjamin.” The Father finally approached the other man, and he cupped his face with his cold hands. Ben at the touch closed his eyes, he didn’t want to look at him, not from _this_ close. “Your thoughts every single day go back there even though you try hard _not_ to. You dream of this place, of me, and of my touch.”

The coldness of Joseph’s hands disappeared and Benjamin opened his eyes to find himself in Dutch’s bunker in his former room. Feeling his legs become so weak he barely could stand, he had to help himself and lean on the nearby wall as his mind still was comprehending the fact he was _again_ trapped in this place. He was by the door, staring at its frame and nearly _waiting_ for it to open and for Joseph to enter. Feeling his breath become uneven he tried his best to calm himself down but the longer he just _stared_ at the door, the harder it became.

_No, no, no, no, this cannot be real._

“Shh… Benjamin, it’s all right.” The cooing voice of the Father sounded behind Ben and he jumped, turning around to see the man sitting on his bed. Something in him broke as he saw Joseph already _here,_ and he backed away, bumping against the door.

The Father stood up and walked towards the place where he those years ago took away his life. He wasn’t looking at the scared man anymore, avoiding now his sight only to give him space. “We both should leave, and once we leave we will find our peace. Both _you_ and _me_.”

Benjamin felt as if all the anger storing deep inside of him just found its way out, making shivers go through his spine. As he spoke, he spit the words at the Father, nearly yelling the last sentence at him. “I will never find my peace. _Never._  Not after _what_ you have done!”

“You are right. But you will sleep peacefully from now on, no more nightmares haunting you,” The way how the Father spoke was in a way soothing the former Deputy, he could feel the anger slowly disappear with both himself yelling at the Father and with Joseph’s soft voice. “Today we reached the Gates of Eden, Benjamin, just as God had once promised…”

There was a pause, and Joseph turned to face now the man standing by the door, looking straight into his gray eyes. Joseph approached him, cupping his face again and leaning in to touch his forehead with his own. “...and tomorrow we will rise again.”

 

And with that Benjamin Deans woke up, beeping sounds and annoyingly muffled voices all around him. A lamp, _God_ , it was way too bright in his opinion, and he didn’t want to open his eyes just yet. But all the beeps and shuffling were slowly driving him crazy and he wanted to yell for it to stop. He also desired to move, to just turn to his side to have it more comfortable but he realized he couldn’t move at all.

Finally, he opened his eyes.

And what he saw was a bright light shining down at him, though it was certain it was high up on the ceiling but because Ben was long asleep he wasn’t used to light at all. He tried to breathe but it seemed so fucking hard he wanted to give up.

“God, he is awake. Seamus, go call a doctor, now!”

A voice, a soothing voice just beamed beside him. It wasn’t known to him but in a way, it _was_ known. She spoke something to him, she was telling him to be calm, that she was so happy that he finally woke up, that she was sorry. He didn’t understand anything but the more she explained the more he was aware of his situation.

Then it all hit him at once.

They were in a car, weren’t they? He fell asleep… and then he woke up _here,_ in a hospital. _God, how long did I sleep?_ He wanted to ask this question but his mouth was so fucking dry and the other thing was that he couldn’t even tell _why_ this woman just kept talking to him. Then so many other people came to the room where he was lyingーdoctors, for sureーthey talked, they all just kept fucking talking.

Then he realized something else. He tried to remember _more._ He tried to go back in his memories to remember anything from before that ride with his friend, and… _nothing_. There was nothing in his memories that was before this ride.

 

And there was no Joseph Seed either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading, for all the kudos, for the comments, for everything! It's been a ride to every one of us, to me-the writer; to my lovely beta-and I thank you so hecking much; and to you, my readers! Hope you enjoyed this story (in a way)~!


End file.
